


surreption

by thunderylee



Category: Avenged Sevenfold, Good Charlotte
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Implied Twincest, M/M, Past Child Abuse, Past Suicide, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-05-29
Updated: 2006-05-29
Packaged: 2019-02-08 01:04:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 34,784
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12853383
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thunderylee/pseuds/thunderylee
Summary: Benji is shipped cross-country to attend Catholic school and Matt is there too.





	surreption

**Author's Note:**

> reposted from agck.

> _Chapter One – Drowning in Clichés_

All in all, the first half of the day was successful. Successful in that Benji succeeded in not being made fun of, not being beat up, and not being robbed of his lunch money. In fact, the other kids seemed to not even notice that he was there, and he couldn’t decide if that was better or worse than his old high school.

Benji emerged from the lunch line and swept his eyes around the large cafeteria, inwardly deciding that this was definitely worse. At his old high school, he would at least have his twin brother to keep him company. And not only was Joel not here, he was about three thousand miles away at said school all by himself. Benji wondered if his brother was feeling as alone as he was.

“Hey, new kid!” a nearby voice pierced through Benji’s private pity party. Somebody had finally noticed him, something which he wasn’t sure whether he should be excited about or not.

Following the sound of the voice, he saw a pair of guys sitting at a table across the aisle, looking very out of place considering everyone else seemed to be carbon copies of each other. They were wearing the required St. Francis of Assisi High School for Boys uniform – white button-down shirt with a collar, blue slacks, blue blazer with the school crest emblazoned on the right breast, blue-and-white striped tie, and black patent leather shoes – but somehow they stuck out in the crowd.

The taller one, with his slicked back hair and sunglasses in the middle of the afternoon (indoors, even), appeared to have dark colorings underneath the sleeves of his shirt that led Benji to believe that he was tattooed. And was that a lip piercing?

“You gonna stare or you gonna park your ass?” The guy grinned like a cheshire cat as he kicked the chair across from him out with one foot.

Benji regarded him blankly before rushing to sit down in case he changed his mind and pulled the seat back to the table.

“It’s a lip ring,” the guy said slowly, flicking it with his tongue for good measure. “Drives the ladies _wild_ , if you know what I mean. Right, J?”

The guy next to him, whom Benji hadn’t even noticed until now, nodded eagerly. “J” had longish, stringy black hair and also looked as though he was covered in tattoos. And Benji didn’t know if the dark circles under his eyes implied sleeplessness, drugs, or too much eyeliner.

“That’s Jimmy,” said the taller guy, pointing to his friend with his thumb. “And I’m Matt. We own this joint.”

Jimmy rolled his eyes, and Matt sighed. “Oh, all right. _God_ owns this joint, but He lets me take over when He’s busy.”

Benji raised an eyebrow.

Matt laughed. “I’m fucking with you, man.” He eyed the macaroni and cheese on his tray, seemed to think better of it, and went straight for the brownie. “I’m not even Catholic, and neither is this asshole.”

“Me, too,” spoke up Benji, relaxing enough to start eating his own lunch. “I mean, I’m not Catholic either.” He took a bite of his pizza to keep himself from saying something stupid.

Matt cocked his head, interested. “Is that right? What did you do, then? There’s only one reason non-Catholic kids are sent to Catholic school.” He exchanged a nod with Jimmy. “To straighten them out.”

Interesting choice of words, Benji thought, but all he said was, “I got in trouble at my old school.”

“ _Really_ ,” replied Matt, abandoning his lunch in favor of giving Benji his undivided attention. “Me too. I’ll tell you what I did if you tell me what you did.”

“Fair enough.” Benji took in Matt’s badass demeanor and searched his brain for something acceptable. An idea hit him, and he lowered his voice so that both Matt and Jimmy had to lean in to hear him. “They say I killed the principal. It’s not true, of course.” He shrugged casually. “I had nothing to do with his office exploding into flames. Since they couldn’t prove it, all they could do was expel me. Mom was pissed and made me move out here to live with my estranged aunt and find Jesus.”

It wasn’t a _complete_ lie, Benji thought as Matt and Jimmy ate up every drop of the story. The very last line was true, as Benji had never even heard of this particular relative before he arrived on her doorstep two weeks ago. Although his mother had used much more colorful language instead of “find Jesus.”

“Would you believe,” Matt said in almost a whisper, “I have almost the same story? Our principal disappeared mysteriously, and just because I happened to have a bad rep with the dude, they automatically assumed I kidnapped him and hid the body.”

Jimmy cleared his throat loudly, and Matt rolled his eyes. “J and me, I mean. They pinned it on both of us and we were expelled. Lucky our moms think alike, or I’d be in this hellhole by myself.”

“Like me,” said Benji solemnly. “My brother was, um, involved too, but Mom said that I was a bad influence on him and sent me away while he got to stay at home.” _That_ part was also true.

“What a bitch,” said Matt, shaking his head in disbelief. “How old is your brother?”

“Um, seventeen,” Benji replied. “We’re twins.”

Matt’s jaw dropped. “You can’t separate twins! What the fuck is wrong with some people’s mothers? Where do they live?”

“Maryland.”

Matt gasped, freezing with his fork halfway to his mouth. “You’re kidding me. That is awful, man.” He seemed to regain control of his motions and stuffed his mouth with fruit cubes. “Your name is Benjamin, right?”

Benji started. “Yeah, how did you -”

“I’m in your Theology class,” Matt cut in. “Bunch of horseshit if you ask me, but it’s required to graduate.” He studied the macaroni again and presumably decided to go for it. “Do you have a nickname? Benjamin is a little long for me.”

“My brother calls me Benji,” Benji offered helpfully.

“Benji it is,” Matt declared, making a face as he forcibly swallowed the macaroni. “So what’s your aunt like? Are you on house arrest or can you hang after school?”

“I’m, um…” Benji frowned. “I don’t know. She hasn’t said much to me since I got here. I don’t think she likes having me around.”

Matt flashed that thousand-watt smile again. “Then I should do her a favor and take you off her hands for a couple hours. Do you want to hang, or are you one of those nerds who like to do homework on the first day of school?”

Benji’s eyes widened as he wondered which response to give.

“I’m kidding!” Matt exclaimed, pounding the table with his fist as he laughed. “We have homework too. We can get it out of the way and go do something fun. You down?”

“Sure,” Benji replied. “I should call my aunt though.”

“You can use my phone.” Matt produced a rectangular-shaped phone which appeared to have a keypad on it.

“You have a cell phone?” Benji asked incredulously.

“Kid, this is California,” said Matt. “Everyone has cell phones. This is actually a Sidekick. They’re fucking awesome. You can get online with it.”

“Cool.” Benji examined the phone for a second before dialing his aunt’s number. “Hi, Aunt Lynn. I was, um, assigned to work with a partner in Theology class, and he wanted to know if I could go to his house after school to work on our project… Yes, I have a lot of homework… Yes, I am learning about our Lord and Savior… No, nobody has whipped me yet…”

Benji watched Matt’s eyes grow rounder as Aunt Lynn’s annoying voice sounded in his ear. “See if you can stay for dinner, you ungrateful little shit. The less I have to feed you, the better.” _Click_.

Benji held the phone out to Matt, his eyes cast downward. “Do you think I could stay for dinner too?”

“Yeah, sure,” Matt said slowly, returning the phone into his pocket. “We’re going to J’s anyways. I’m sure his parents won’t mind if we raid the fridge.”

Jimmy nodded and offered Benji a crooked smile.

Benji winced as the bell rang. “What class do you have next?”

“Gym,” Matt replied happily, stretching his lean torso before pushing his chair back. “Because it makes sense to do a shitload of physical activity right after eating, you know.”

Benji laughed politely, feeling relieved. “Me too. Maybe we’ll be in the same class.”

“We are,” said Matt. “There’s only one gym teacher. He’s as old as dirt and can’t hear shit. It’s my favorite class.”

Benji followed Matt and Jimmy to return their trays and cross the courtyard to the gymnasium. “So how long have you gone to school here?”

“We came in a couple years ago, right smack in the middle of the year,” answered Matt, his long legs striding across the grass and making Benji jog to keep up. “I expected some sort of new kid hazing, but nothing. Bunch of fucking angels who go to this school.”

“So nobody’s going to beat me up and try to steal my lunch money?” asked Benji.

Matt grinned. “Unless you want _me_ to. You know, to make you feel at home.”

“Um, no thanks.” Benji smiled.

“Didn’t think so.” Matt opened a door on the side of the gym and coughed as he was hit in the face with a cloud of steam. “Boys’ locker room,” he announced, Benji supposed, for his benefit. “Makes absolutely no fucking sense since there are no girls who go to this school, but whatev.”

Jimmy waved cheerfully and turned on his heel to walk back across the courtyard.

“He’s not in our class?” Benji asked, surprised.

“He’s not in any of our classes,” Matt replied, walking towards the middle of the locker room and banging on a locker at random to make it bounce open. As he unbuttoned his shirt, Benji noticed tattoo after tattoo appearing on his chest and arms.

He also noticed that Matt was still speaking. “What?”

Matt paused with his fingers on his belt before shaking his head and chuckling. “They’re called _tattoos_ , Benji. You should get some. I know a guy who’ll do them for minors.” He shucked his pants and stood in only boxer shorts. “I said that J is a junior. He’s younger than me – hell, he’s younger than you. We grew up across the street from each other. Been getting into trouble together since we were old enough to talk. Man’s like my brother.”

Benji nodded as he reached into his back pack for his gym clothes. “I know what you mean.”

“I’ll say you do.” Matt jumped into the standard-issue blue gym shorts and pulled a white tee over his head. “Pretty awesome having a twin, huh? Does he look like you?”

Benji smiled. “We’re identical.”

Matt kicked his locker shut with another bang and checked his reflection in a nearby mirror. “That’s cool. Better hurry up and change. Old Father Brennigan might be deaf, but his eyesight is sharp as fuck and he’ll give you detention if you’re five seconds late.”

As Benji rushed to unknot his tie, Matt leaned over so that he was speaking directly into Benji’s ear. “And you don’t want detention, trust me.”

“What do they make you do?” Benji asked, wide eyed.

“What do you think?” Matt replied. “This is fucking Catholic school. You have to write Hail Mary’s.”

Benji frantically struggled with his tie until Matt seemed to take pity on him and help him untie it. “I don’t even know the Hail Mary,” Benji admitted.

Matt grinned wickedly as he whipped the unfastened tie from under Benji’s collar. “Stick around with me, and you’ll learn it.”

> _Chapter Two – Poets Are Just Kids Who Didn’t Make It_

Benji stood in front of a particularly ostentatious display of shrubbery surrounding a giant statue of the Sacred Heart of Jesus after the final bell rang. Matt had said to meet him and Jimmy here and they would go to Jimmy’s house, knock out their homework, and show him around the area.

A horn honked as a deep red Cadillac convertible cruised around the corner. “Hop in, kid!” Matt yelled from behind the wheel, sunglasses in place.

Benji grinned as he made a dash for the car and did a half-somersault into the backseat. He had always wanted to do that. He let his legs dangle over the side as Matt drove out of the parking lot and onto the main road.

“What do you think of the nice ass California weather?” Matt hollered over the sound of the wind.

“It’s awesome!” Benji yelled back, finally pulling his entire person into the car and stretching out in the backseat.

Jimmy turned around and smiled at him.

“Here’s the deal,” Matt continued as he slipped a CD into the player. “You don’t tell _anyone_ that I listen to this shit, and I won’t kill you.”

Benji couldn’t help laughing as Aqua’s ‘Barbie Girl’ flooded the speakers. “My sister loves this song!”

Matt turned around long enough to glare at him. “How old’s your sister?”

“Fourteen,” Benji replied.

“Nah, too young.” Matt grinned. “I like my women old enough to buy me beer.”

The song finished just as Matt pulled to a stop in front of a very large, mansion-like house. “Is this where you _live_?” Benji asked in amazement, staring at the two-story piece of architecture before them.

“J’s parents are lawyers,” Matt replied. “They’re never home, and when they are, they’re always working.” He glanced at Benji. “Don’t worry, they won’t care that we’re here. I’m over here all the time, and Mrs. Sullivan thinks I’m a ‘hellion’.”

Jimmy snorted.

“Well, she does,” Matt argued. “She’s lucky that husband of hers is always around, or I’d show her what a hellion really is.” He punched Jimmy good-naturedly in the shoulder and got out of the car, grabbing his backpack from between Benji’s legs.

Benji followed the two up the steps into the spacious house, being careful to wipe his feet before going inside. He saw Matt and Jimmy kick their shoes off by the door, so he did the same. He also tried to take off his tie, but he was once again at a loss.

Matt noticed and laughed at him. “I can’t be doing this for you every day, you know.” He pulled off the tie and handed it to Benji. “Who tied it for you this morning?”

“My aunt,” replied Benji. He decided to leave out the part where she almost choked him with it.

“Remind me to show you how to do it before I take you home tonight.” Matt grabbed his back pack, but instead of reaching for his homework, he withdrew his cell phone and pushed a speed-dial button. “Hey, shithead, it’s M… Yeah, school sucked. We’re at J’s. Oh, and I met this new kid… Shut the fuck up, he’s cool.” He winked at Benji. “Can you bring it over? Awesome. See you in five.” He flipped the phone shut and tossed it on the couch next to Jimmy.

“You wanna play a game or something until our homework gets here?” Matt asked Benji. “J’s got Xbox, PS2… everything, really. He also has his own computer with high-speed Internet access. _Faster_ porn downloads. Oh yeah.”

“Um,” Benji said cautiously. “What do you mean ‘until our homework gets here’?”

“Oh,” said Matt dismissively. “Our friend’s sister went to St. Sabina last year. That’s like the girl version of the Asses. She saves all of her old assignments. She is the reason I passed last year, and if she wasn’t so ugly, I’d thank her properly.”

“The Asses?” Benji repeated, amused.

“St. Francis of Assisi,” Matt said, grinning. “Known to those of us who don’t give a crap as ‘The Asses’. Only because I didn’t know how ‘Assisi’ was pronounced when I saw the brochure.”

“Me neither,” Benji admitted. “So we just copy our homework?”

“You make it sound so _bad_ ,” said Matt. “Studies show that people learn by writing just as well as reading or listening. Why do you think they make us write lines in detention? If you write something enough, eventually it will stick in your head.”

“Hmm.” Benji considered this. “And your friend’s sister knows that we use her old work?”

“Well, no,” Matt said slowly. “But her answers aren’t always right, and the stupid cunt never bothered to correct her homework, so that makes up for it.”

“You must really dislike her,” Benji noted.

“Words cannot express the loathing I have for this woman,” said Matt fondly. “It’s a long story, but hopefully you won’t ever have to meet her. She went to Italy for college.”

“Italy?” Benji exclaimed.

“Yeah, these fuckers are rich.” Matt rolled his eyes very obviously in Jimmy’s direction. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, my mom and I are well off too, but we don’t flaunt it like some people’s parents.”

Jimmy flipped his middle finger upwards.

“What does your mom do?” asked Benji curiously.

“She runs her own business,” Matt said simply, in the tone of voice that told Benji not to ask anymore questions on the subject.

As if on cue, the doorbell rang, but nobody got up to answer it. The sounds of people kicking off their shoes and shuffling around sock-footed signaled the arrival of Matt’s friends.

They rounded the corner and Benji’s eyes widened. If he thought Matt was out of place compared to the other kids at school, he was almost an alter boy compared to these guys. One of them had purple hair and a septum piercing, one wore heavy black eyeliner and was wearing about three silver belts, and the third had a bleached-blond mohawk and was smoking a cigarette.

“You can’t smoke in here, Johnny,” Matt said curtly, glaring at the third guy. “Have some fucking respect.”

“I’ll respect Jimmy’s parents,” Johnny replied, “by ashing in their _ashtray_.” He pointed to a crystallized glass object on the end table that Benji most definitely recognized as an ashtray, complete with crushed-out cigarette butts.

The guy with the purple hair lowered a heavy-looking back pack from his shoulder and hurled it across the room to Matt. His gaze lingered on Benji, and his lips turned up into a smirk. “Who’s the pale kid?”

“His name is Benji,” Matt answered for him, “and he’s straight, so turn off the charm.” Matt leaned across the couch towards where Benji was sitting. “You don’t like to fuck guys, right?”

“Um, no,” Benji replied.

“Shame,” the purple-haired guy replied, putting his arm around the guy with the belts. “Looks like I’m stuck with boring ass Brian.”

“If my memory serves me right,” Brian replied, turning to leer at the other guy, “you had much different adjectives with which to describe my ass last night.”

“Fags,” Matt muttered. He emerged from the back pack with a stack of papers and turned to Benji. “Are they bothering you? ‘Cause I can tell them to tone down the gay.”

Benji laughed. “No, it’s fine. It doesn’t bother me.”

“I like this kid already,” the purple-haired guy said to Brian before turning his attention to Benji. “My name is Zacky, since M sucks at introducing people.”

Matt flipped up his middle finger while rifling through the papers.

“Nice to meet you guys,” Benji said politely. “Do you go to the Asses too?”

Zacky, Brian, and Johnny burst out into simultaneous laughter, and for a moment Benji thought he had messed up the joke. He was about to apologize when Zacky grinned at him.

“It’s good to know I could pass for a minor,” he said, still chuckling. “I’m twenty-three. Johnny’s twenty-one, and baby Brian here is only nineteen.”

“I’m still older than M,” Brian said defensively.

“You’re gayer than me too,” added Matt.

“How do you all know each other?” Benji wondered out loud.

“Grew up together,” Matt answered before anyone else could. He looked up from the papers and grinned at Benji, handing him a stack. “You get started on History and I’ll do Theology, then we’ll switch and move on.” He glanced at the three guys leaning against the wall. “An hour, tops.”

“No prob,” said Johnny. “It beats watching these two fuckers make out all day.”

As if to spite him, Zacky pulled Brian into a rather heated kiss. Brian responded by shoving Zacky up against the wall, crushing their mouths together as he more or less dry-humped the other man.

Benji stared in awe.

“You’ll get used to it,” said Matt without looking up.

As Benji began copying the History assignment, the other five guys began to talk about people he didn’t know and who they were fucking. It was when Matt noticeably cringed at the mention of Zacky’s sister that Benji realized exactly whose homework they were copying.

“Valerie called to tell us that she’s in love with this Italian guy,” Zacky was saying, rolling his eyes. “It’s only the second week of school, and _everyone_ over there is Italian. But she and Mom gushed for hours over him. It was quite nauseous.”

“So is that,” Matt pointed out, glaring at where Brian’s mouth seemed to be fused to Zacky’s neck.

Zacky smiled. “You’re just butt hurt that she dismissed your ass right before graduation. She would have cheated on you anyway, you know.”

“She cheated on me the entire time we were together,” said Matt bitterly, pushing a little too hard on his pen. “An ocean between us would have made me feel a little better about it.”

Benji suddenly felt very uncomfortable and rushed to finish copying the homework. “I’m done,” he announced, filling the tense silence with his shaky words.

Matt shook his head in frustration. “This Jesus shit is lengthy. The Lit homework is next in the stack.”

A thought occurred to Benji as he reached for the assignment. “So what happens when we actually have to write papers?”

“We write them,” Matt replied shortly.

“Oh, okay.” Benji bit his lip and went back to work.

“Hey, Johnny,” Matt said, not raising his eyes from his notebook. “Benji wants a tattoo.”

Benji’s head shot up. “I didn’t say -”

“You could certainly use one, or twelve,” Johnny said, looking him up and down. “Is he one of your ‘favors’, M, or am I actually going to get paid?”

“Since you asked, he’s one of the ‘favors’.” Matt lifted his eyes and smiled nastily. “Make him colorful, and I might finally forgive you.”

“What did you do?” Benji asked Johnny with wide eyes.

“Don’t worry about it,” snapped Matt, at the same time Zacky and Brian chorused, “He fucked his mom.”

Benji’s jaw dropped.

“Don’t look at me like that, kid,” Johnny said. “She’s a -”

“That’s _enough_ ,” Matt said sharply.

Benji made a mental note never to piss off Matt as the three men across the room shrank away like they were puppies who had been scolded.

“So, um,” said Johnny nervously, his eyes fixed on Benji. “I can’t do you in the shop ’cause you’re underage, but I have a bunch of shit at my house, all sterilized and everything. So whenever is good for you.”

“Let me think about it,” said Benji, trying to think of a way out of this situation. “It might take me awhile to decide what to get done. I haven’t really considered it before.”

“I have magazines if you want to look through them,” Johnny offered. “They’re in the trunk of my car.”

“He can look through them at the bar,” Matt spoke up, writing furiously and glaring at Zacky. “Dude, your sister sucks at Theology. I’m not even Catholic and I know this shit better than she does.”

“Well, for what it’s worth, she’s a very bad Catholic.” Zacky laughed.

“Did you say ‘bar’?” Benji asked.

“It’s not really a bar,” said Brian. “My parents run a country club down the street which happens to include a restaurant.”

“Which happens to serve alcohol,” Johnny added. “Thus making it a bar.”

“There’s also pool tables and big-screen TVs,” said Zacky. “Further making it a bar.”

“It’s not a bar,” Brian said angrily. “Anyway, it’s where we go to hang out so that M and Jimmy can drink with us.”

“Do you know someone who works there, or..?” Benji trailed off.

“Dude,” said Johnny. “His parents _own_ the joint. Nobody who works there is going to question anyone he brings in. They serve Jimmy for Christ’s sake.”

Jimmy raised his middle finger without looking up from his notebook.

“Well, um, I’d rather not drink,” said Benji. “My aunt will kill me if I come home drunk.”

“It’s cool,” said Matt, shocking Benji with his calm voice. “We just go there to hang out. Shoot pool and shit. You know.” He growled in irritation at the pile of papers in his hand. “I had to rewrite her entire definition of the Holy Trinity. I may as well have done this fucking assignment myself.” He looked helplessly at Benji, who by this time had flown through the other assignments and was now waiting for Matt to finish. “I’ll give this one to you before school tomorrow, okay? I’ll need the time to copy the rest of them. Good thing I have Geometry first period. It’s my second time taking it, so I still have the homework from last year. What’s your first class?”

Benji bit his lip. “Calculus.” He looked away from Matt.

“Really?” Matt looked impressed. “That’s awesome. I just don’t get math, you know? Maybe you could help me a little this year. If I fail Geometry again, I won’t graduate.”

“No problem,” replied Benji, grateful that nobody was going to make fun at him for being in an advanced level class. Jimmy was finishing up his own homework, Johnny was smoking again, and Zacky and Brian were entertaining each other on the armchair.

“Cool.” Matt capped his pen and shoved the large stack of papers into his bag. “Is this all of her homework for the whole year?” he asked Zacky.

“Oh, hell no,” Zacky replied, his words a bit muffled due to Brian’s tongue in his mouth. “That’s just this week. Figured I’d give you a head start, but then you’re on your own.” He grinned at Matt’s glare. “Sorry man, but I didn’t fuck your mom. In fact, you fucked my sister for the better part of a year. I don’t owe you shit.”

“Asshole,” Matt muttered.

> _Chapter Three – A Loaded God Complex_

“What are you doing?” Brian hissed angrily, leaning across Benji’s lap to glare at Matt. “If they see you with fucking schoolwork, they’ll know you’re only eighteen.”

Matt looked hard into Brian’s eyes, downed the rest of his beer, and held up the book he was holding. “It’s the _Bible_ , jackass. Granted, you don’t see many guys reading the Bible in a bar, but I’m sure it’s perfectly acceptable for _grown-ups_ such as yourself.”

Benji laughed and Matt winked at him. “Besides, after Val’s horrible attempt at summarizing the Creation, I had to research it for myself.”

Brian returned his back to Zacky’s chest, still looking nervous. “It’s bad enough your friend is still in his uniform.”

“Just the pants,” said Matt. “I think the ‘fuck you’ shirt I lent him kind of cancels out any preconceived notions.”

Benji looked down at the black T-shirt he was wearing. The orange letters on it clashed horribly with his blue pants, but he didn’t see the need to comment on that.

“Dammit!” shouted Johnny from the closest pool table. “This little fucker owned me _again_! Where’d you learn to play pool so good?”

Jimmy lifted the cue of his poolstick to his face and blew on it like it was a gun.

“Clearly he’s been hanging around with me too long,” Matt answered for him, his eyes busily scanning the pages of the worn-out Bible.

“Is that right,” replied Johnny, taking a drag from his cigarette. “Why don’t you put your money where your mouth is, Sanders?”

“Unfortunately for you,” said Matt, “it’s J’s game. Which means I would actually have a challenge.” He glanced up at Benji. “Mind taking my spot? I’m still trying to finish this assignment for us.”

“I don’t really know how to play,” said Benji.

“I’ll teach him,” said Zacky eagerly, hopping off of his barstool.

“You stay away from his stick,” Matt said sternly.

“I want a rematch anyways,” said Johnny. “Maybe you’ll be done by the time I’ve wiped the table clean with this kid’s ass.”

Jimmy rolled his eyes and chalked his cue.

“Hey, Sanders!” a large muscled kid called out from a two tables away. “How’s your mom?”

“Still making more money than yours,” Matt replied without looking up, sounding bored.

“Who’s that?” Benji asked.

“Nobody,” replied Matt. He raised his eyes to meet Benji’s. “Trust me, you’re better off if you don’t know them.”

The guy and two of his buddies pushed their way past Johnny and stood behind Matt, leering over his shoulder. “Whatcha reading, Matty?”

“The fucking Bible,” said Matt. “What’s it to you?”

“God will never forgive your whore of a mother, no matter how much you pray,” the second guy said.

“Lucky for me, I don’t care.”

The guys seemed disappointed that Matt wasn’t giving more of a reaction and started to back away. “Hey, tell your mom to pencil me in for three o’clock Friday afternoon,” the first guy called over his shoulder. “I’ve got football practice and I could really use the relaxation, if you know what I mean.” He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively and followed his friends towards the other side of the bar.

“I can fit you in right after your dad,” said Matt, pretending to scribble something in his notebook. “I’m sure you don’t mind being sloppy seconds to your old man – you were the first time.”

The guy made like he was going to turn around, but his buddies grabbed his arms and stopped him.

“Kristin?” Brian called, smiling when the pretty bartender emerged from behind a case of beer. “Those kids are underage.”

Kristin’s eyes narrowed. “Thanks, Brian.” She grabbed a nearby broom and marched towards the three guys who had bullied Matt.

“Who needs a bouncer when you have her?” Benji said amusedly, watching the small woman make the three kids cower and run out of the bar.

Matt’s eyes focused on Brian. “Thanks, man.”

“No problem,” replied Brian. “We’re the only ones who get to make jokes about your mom.”

Benji was curious but he didn’t want to ask again and have Matt yell at him. Matt’s gaze moved from Brian to him, though, and he couldn’t remove the questions from his eyes.

“My mom runs a brothel,” Matt said slowly. “She calls it an ‘escort service’, which is how they get around the prostitution laws, but it’s nothing short of a goddamn whorehouse.”

“I’m sorry,” said Benji truthfully.

“Just don’t fuck her, okay?” said Matt.

“I won’t. I promise.”

“Just so you know,” Johnny said to Benji, leaning against Matt’s shoulder although he was there for that purpose. “I didn’t pay her.”

“‘Cause that makes it so much better,” Matt said sarcastically. “You know, it’s kind of hard to study God’s word when I’m surrounded by so much goddamn sin.”

Zacky tightened his hold on Brian and kissed his neck. “I don’t consider what _we_ do as a sin,” Zacky said seriously.

Matt sighed. “I don’t either, but I don’t make the rules.”

“Besides,” Johnny spoke up as he bent over the pool table to line up his shot, “we now have Benji to bring up the purity of the group. A hundred bucks says the kid’s a virgin.”

Benji went pale, but Matt slammed the Bible shut and turned around furiously. “That’s none of your fucking business, asshole.”

“Right, my bad.” Johnny hung his cigarette out of his mouth as he took his shot, missing horribly.

Benji couldn’t meet Matt’s eyes, so he settled for looking in Zacky and Brian’s general direction. He smiled at how cozy they were with each other. “Do people ever give you trouble?”

“For what?” Brian asked.

“For, you know…” Benji trailed off.

“For being flaming queens,” Matt said from behind him. “Benji’s from Maryland,” he added, as though that explained everything.

Apparently it did. “ _Oh_ ,” said Zacky and Brian together. Brian leant forward and patted Benji’s knee. “It’s not like that out here. Especially in this area. Everybody kind of does their own thing and while some people don’t particularly _approve_ , they leave us alone.”

Zacky scoffed. “They had much more of a problem with it when he was a minor.”

Benji did the math in his head. “So you’ve been together for -”

“Two and a half years,” they answered in unison.

“Wow.”

“Hey, beautiful,” Matt said to Kristin as she walked by. She rolled her eyes and looked at him expectantly. “Can we have a menu please?”

“Sure, stud,” Kristin replied with a wink, reaching under the table and producing a menu without removing her eyes from Matt’s. She winked again and moved down the bar to where some old guys were watching Monday Night Football.

“Yeah, she wants your cock,” Brian said in a bored voice.

“Pfft,” replied Matt, tossing the menu at Benji. “She couldn’t handle it. Now I promised you dinner, so pick whatever you want and I’ll pay for it.”

“Oh look, Brian,” Zacky whispered loudly. “They’re on a date! What do you think is next – dancing or a movie?”

“Definitely a movie,” said Brian. “M’s not the dancing type, and anyways it’s much easier to get to third base in a movie theater.”

“You two would know,” Matt said pointedly.

Benji shook his head and looked at the menu. “Thanks, Matt. I’m starving.”

“Get whatever you want,” Matt repeated.

“He called him Matt!” Zacky squealed.

“Was I not supposed to?” Benji glanced up, worried.

“I called him Matt once,” Johnny said forlornly. “He punched me in the face.”

“I punched you in the face because you _fucked my mom_ ,” replied Matt, his face slowly reddening. “I don’t care if you call me Matt. That’s what I told you my name was.”

“Okay,” said Benji slowly.

“Whatcha havin’, cutie?” Kristin asked, popping up in front of him.

“Um…” He lowered his voice. “Do you have anything vegetarian?”

He felt a blush creeping up as snickers sounded around him, but he chanced a glance over to Matt just in time to see him deliver the meanest glare he had ever seen.

Kristin smiled warmly. “I can make you a salad, if you want.”

“Don’t go through any trouble,” Benji said quickly. “You’re busy enough as it is.”

“Benji,” Johnny said with a smirk, sauntering up to the counter. “If a beautiful woman offers to toss your salad, you let her.”

Kristin rolled her eyes.

“Grilled cheese?” Benji suggested.

“Sure thing,” she replied.

“Give us some fries, too,” added Matt. “A whole assload. Like Johnny’s mom-sized assload.”

Kristin giggled. “I don’t think we have that many in the freezer.”

Johnny nodded at Matt. “I’ll keep my comments about _your_ mom’s ass to myself.”

“You do that.” Matt narrowed his eyes.

“You know the rules, boys,” Kristin said briskly, collecting the menu from Benji. “If you’re gonna fight, take your shirts off so we can enjoy the show.”

“Not worth it,” Matt said quietly.

Benji watched the rest of Johnny and Jimmy’s game, inwardly cheering when Jimmy won for the third time in a row. Benji decided that while Jimmy, Zacky, and Brian were all right, he didn’t much care for Johnny. He wondered why Matt even stayed friends with him after what he did and how he treats him.

“He saved my life,” Matt said under his breath, so low that Benji almost didn’t catch it.

Kristin chose that moment to arrive back with their food. Matt handed her a plastic card with a wink and leaned in towards Benji under the pretense of grabbing some fries. “Johnny saved my life,” he said again. “We don’t talk about it, but it happened, and that’s why we still hang out.”

“I didn’t -” Benji began.

“You were thinking it,” Matt cut him off. “And you have every right. He’s been more of a prick than usual tonight, probably because of you. Wants you to think that he’s a badass or something. But you remember this: while he may be the first person to give me shit, he’ll also be the first to stand up for me.”

Benji nodded and took a bite out of his sandwich, seeing the seriousness in Matt’s eyes.

“We should probably get you home after you eat,” Matt said after swallowing a giant mouthful of fries.

“Got a curfew, kid?” Johnny sneered.

“That’s enough,” Matt said sharply for the second time that evening. “And you can give up the tough guy act, cause if he wasn’t scared of the damn three-hundred-pound wrestler who he sent to the hospital in Maryland, he sure isn’t scared of little old you.”

“I find that hard to swallow,” Johnny said skeptically, folding his arms across his chest. “You’re like five feet tall with ‘angel’ written all over your face.”

“It’s always the small ones,” Benji played along.

Jimmy smirked appreciatively from behind Johnny.

“I got something for you that’s hard to swallow,” Matt said to Johnny, grabbing his crotch.

Benji choked on his sandwich and Zacky and Brian exploded into laughter mid-kiss.

“Fag,” Johnny spat, shaking his head. “Save it for the ‘small one’.”

“I’m an ‘angel’ remember?” mocked Benji. “What would I do with it?”

“Trade it in for an older model,” suggested Zacky.

Brian rolled his eyes. “Your ego is big enough for the both of us, I suppose.”

“Is that what we were talking about?” Zacky asked innocently. “My bad. I retract my prior statement. You can have all of M’s enormous _ego_ , Benji.”

“And the pompous ass that comes with it,” Brian added with a wink.

“Stop it,” Matt said, feigning embarrassment. “You’re making me blush.”

Benji laughed as he finished off his sandwich and looked at the half-eaten plate of fries.

“You ready, kid?” asked Matt. When Benji nodded, he turned to the other guys. “I’m gonna take him home and crash. See you fuckers later.”

“Don’t forget to use a condom!” Zacky called cheerfully after them.

“And remember, M,” added Brian. “Using three fingers shows you care.”

“It was really nice meeting you guys,” Benji said politely, trying not to laugh.

“Likewise,” replied Zacky and Brian together.

“You’re all right, kid,” said Johnny, extending his hand. Benji shook it politely. “Let me know when you want to get started on those tats. I’m off Sundays and Mondays.”

“Okay.” Benji turned to Jimmy. “Aren’t you riding with us?”

Jimmy shook his head and pointed to Johnny.

“Kid lives across the street from me,” Johnny explained. “Looks like it’s just you and M.”

“Keep your distance while giving road head,” Zacky said loudly. “That way, if you hit a bump, you won’t choke.”

“Good- _bye_ ,” Matt said pointedly, steering Benji towards the door.

They climbed into the Cadillac and Benji told Matt his address. “I don’t really know how to get there from here -”

“I know where that is,” Matt said with a smile. “It’s actually on the way to my house.”

“Oh, cool,” said Benji. “Um, thanks for… everything. I had fun today.”

“Good. I’m glad.” Matt honked his horn as some lady in a van cut him off. “Stupid bitch,” he muttered under his breath.

Benji almost laughed. If it would have been his twin brother driving, both he and Joel would have been screaming at the top of their lungs. “You’re awfully calm,” he thought out loud.

“I am now,” said Matt. “I used to have hardcore anger issues. But everyone has their shitty stories, right?” He gave a short laugh. “The bad part about being rich is that parents think hiring a therapist for their kids is equivalent to curing teenage angst.”

“You see a therapist?” Benji asked carefully.

“Twice a week.” Matt rested his arm on the side of the door and leaned back in his seat as he merged onto the freeway. “But don’t go thinking I’m crazy. Like I said, all the kids have one out here. Even J, and he’s like the poster boy for normality.”

Benji nodded and looked at his lap. Noticing that he was still wearing Matt’s shirt, he reached in the backseat for his back pack. “I should give you your shirt back.”

“You can hold on to it if you want,” Matt said, waving his hand dismissively. “It’s not like I won’t see you tomorrow.”

“Well,” Benji said slowly. “I’m sure my aunt will be waiting for me, and -”

“Of course.” Matt shook his head and closed his eyes briefly. “I’m sorry, I completely forgot. Do you want me to put the top up? Or are you cool with switching shirts on the freeway?”

“No worse than changing in the locker room,” Benji muttered, pulling out his incredibly wrinkled school shirt and tie.

Matt glanced at Benji quickly before returning his eyes to the road. “I noticed you waited until everyone left to change for gym. I’m not going to harass you about it, but if you want me to pull over and put the top up, I will.”

“It’s cool,” Benji insisted, proving his point by yanking Matt’s shirt over his head and tossing it in the backseat. He slipped his arms into his school shirt and began doing up the buttons. “But thanks.”

“No prob.” Matt flashed a smile. “Is that your house?”

Benji looked to the side of the stopped car and noticed that his aunt’s house was actually up the street a bit.

“I wanted to drop you off here so your aunt wouldn’t get suspicious,” Matt said, reading Benji’s mind again. “I have a feeling she wouldn’t like me.”

“Probably not.” Benji grinned and got out of the car, hoisting his bag over his shoulder. “Thanks again.”

“So you want a ride to school?” Matt asked casually. “I can pick you up wherever you wait for the bus, if you want.”

“If you don’t mind,” said Benji.

“Like I said, you’re on the way.” Matt cocked his head, as though waiting for an answer.

“Okay,” Benji decided, pointing down the street. “My bus stop is at the corner right there. I get picked up around seven.”

“Sounds good.”

Benji waved, feeling stupid, and began jogging up the street towards his aunt’s house. As he opened the door and prepared himself for whatever lecture he would be getting from the woman who he knew was waiting for him on the other side, he realized that Matt had just driven off.

> _Chapter Four – Wet Dream For The Webzine_

“Are you sure we can pull this off?” Benji asked anxiously, jogging to catch up with Matt’s long legs as they walked up the steps to Benji’s aunt’s house after school on Friday.

“One of the many things you will learn about me,” Matt said evenly, straightening his tie, “is that I am a gifted bullshitter. Observe.” He rang the door while Benji stood by, bewildered.

Aunt Lynn flung open the door, scowling as she caught sight of Benji. Her expression softened into a smile when she noticed Matt smiling charmingly at her, sans lip ring.

“Hello, dear,” she said warmly. “Are you from the school? Is my nephew in trouble?”

“Yes and no,” Matt answered briskly, still smiling. “I’m his Theology partner, Matthew Sanders. Very nice to meet you, ma’am.” He extended his hand and Aunt Lynn shook it, looking flustered. “A group of prestigious students were selected to go on a mission this weekend, into the city to help out the less fortunate by cleaning up the streets, serving food to the homeless, and the like. It’s a yearly tradition to start the school year off in God’s good graces. We’ve offered this delightful opportunity to Benjamin, but he said we’d have to check with you.”

“He’ll be working?” Aunt Lynn asked skeptically. “For free?”

“Oh yes,” Matt replied excitedly. “The school pays for accommodations and transportation, but other than that we receive no compensation for our generosity.”

“And he’ll be gone all weekend?” Aunt Lynn smiled brighter.

“We leave in an hour and return late Sunday night,” said Matt. “But if you’re worried about waiting up for him, my family and I would be pleased to keep him Sunday night and get him to school in the morning.”

“I think that would be all right,” Aunt Lynn said slowly. “Would you like to come in while he packs his bag?”

“Yes, thank you,” Matt said, stepping inside. He turned to face Benji. “Now remember, only the bare essentials. We don’t have to look good while we’re serving the Lord.”

Benji put on his best crabby face and slumped upstairs towards his room. Once out of Aunt Lynn’s eyeshot, he broke into grin and raced into his makeshift bedroom, which also served as his aunt’s storage room. After tossing some clothes, his toothbrush, and a few other things into a duffle bag, he went back downstairs, trying his best to look grim.

“Ready?” Matt clapped his hands together and looked elated. Benji almost laughed, but caught himself in time and simply nodded.

“Here.” Aunt Lynn thrust a twenty-dollar bill at him. “Your mother would kill me if I let you starve.”

Benji scowled, but pocketed the money.

“Be good,” she said firmly. “I’ve already warned your friend here about your… _tendencies_ , and should any situations arise, it’s straight to military school.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Benji said dully, feeling his cheeks turn pink as he wondered how much Matt knew.

“Don’t worry,” said Matt, resting his arm around Benji’s shoulders. “We’ll keep an eye on him. We don’t tolerate any funny business on these important missions.”

“Well, I won’t keep you boys.” Aunt Lynn showed them to the door. “Have fun, and may God be with you.”

“May God be with you too, ma’am,” said Matt eagerly before leading Benji outside.

Once the door closed, Benji started to chuckle, but Matt tightened his grip on his shoulder. “Wait until we get down the street,” he hissed through his thousand-watt smile.

Sure enough, Aunt Lynn was peeking out the window as they actually opened the doors to get into the car. They waved at her as they securely fastened their seatbelts and drove off at the suburban speed limit of twenty-five miles per hour.

As they turned the corner where Benji normally waited for Matt in the morning, both burst out into hysterical laughter. Matt kicked the speed up, tore off his tie, and turned up the radio.

“Have you considered a career in acting?” Benji asked amazedly. “‘Cause that was the best I’ve ever seen.”

“Oh man,” said Matt through howls of laughter. “Your aunt is a piece of work. For a minute I thought she was going to see right through me.” He looked down at his arms, gesturing to the dark ink of his tattoos that were visible through the thin material. “Literally.”

“Hey, listen,” Benji said suddenly, feeling nervous. “I don’t know what she told you, but -”

“Don’t worry about it, kid,” said Matt. “The woman obviously hates you. You know what my father used to tell people about me?”

Benji shook his head and Matt sighed. “I don’t really want to get into it and start our weekend off on a low note, but it was much worse than what your aunt said about you, trust me.”

“Do you still see your father?” Benji asked, curious.

“Not since he died,” Matt said with a chuckle. “I suppose I could go visit his grave, but I’d probably offend some real mourners by dancing on it.”

Benji nodded and fell quiet.

“I suppose your parents are still happily married,” Matt said with a scoff. “No offense, that’s cool and all, I’m glad for them.”

“Actually, my dad left last Christmas.”

Matt turned to look at him with a flat expression. “Like _left_ left?”

“Like left on Christmas Eve and didn’t come back.” Benji looked at his hands.

Matt stared at the road in front of him. “I wish mine had left. Would’ve done us all a favor.” He shook his head abruptly and smiled broadly again. “Anyways. My mom is at some whore’s convention for the weekend, so we have the house to ourselves. I invited the guys over tonight, since you don’t seem to be the bar type, and we can just hang out and shit.”

“Cool,” said Benji, astonished at how Matt could switch gears so quickly. He was starting to admire his new friend’s perseverance.

“Johnny will probably bring some ‘hos’,” Matt went on, rolling his eyes and making finger quotes. “So if you want to get laid, you probably will. I have lots of bedrooms.”

“Um…” Benji began.

“Just sayin’.” Matt grinned. “I don’t care if you do, and I certainly don’t want to hear about it, just know that it’s cool.”

“Okay,” Benji agreed. He was beginning to feel very nervous.

Matt appeared to catch on. “Or I can tell them all to fuck off and you and I can just hang out. Whatever. I have a pool.”

Once again, Benji found himself struggling to keep up with Matt’s tangents. “I didn’t pack swimming trunks.”

Matt looked Benji up and down. “You’re about the same size as Zack. He leaves his at my house because apparently his own parents’ pool isn’t good enough. He won’t care if you borrow them, although I’d wash them first.”

Benji noticed that they had been driving for awhile. “You live kinda far away, don’t you?”

“Yeah,” said Matt “Like I told you, I used to live next to all those guys. We sold the house after Dad died and moved out here. If you think Jimmy’s was huge, wait ’til you see mine.”

Benji looked around as they got off the freeway. “How long does it take you to get to school?”

“About an hour,” Matt answered. “Mostly because of traffic. Going home, it only takes thirty minutes.”

“I guess that’s what sucks about getting expelled,” Benji thought out loud. “Having to commute to the next county just to go to school.”

Matt opened his mouth to speak, but seemed to think better of it and hesitated. “Yeah,” he said. “Gas is a bitch.”

They rode in silence until Matt turned onto a paved driveway which led away from the road and towards a house that Benji definitely agreed was much bigger than Jimmy’s. He couldn’t stop himself from gaping. So much for not flaunting it, he thought.

“Home sweet home,” Matt scoffed, reaching into the backseat for his school bag. “So have you decided if I’m telling the guys to fuck off yet or not?”

“No, it’s cool,” said Benji, sensing the return of his apprehension.

“Jimmy won’t be coming,” Matt said as they made their way up the elaborate walk towards the grand entrance of what Benji thought to be a palace. “He really is going on a mission this weekend.”

“You mean, they really do that?” Benji asked.

“What, you think I made that shit up?” Matt laughed. “Yeah, it really happens every year, first week of school. It’s mandatory if you’re a freshman, but upperclassmen have a choice. I choose to be lazy and drink. How ’bout you?”

“I choose to be lazy and…” Benji paused. “Go swimming?”

“Sure, okay.” Matt grinned as he unlocked the door. “Jimmy’s into the whole do-onto-others thing, though, so nobody’s allowed to give him any shit for it. I don’t think you will, but just so you know.”

Benji’s anxiety completely disappeared at Matt’s words. He realized that he could probably say anything and Matt wouldn’t care, and even go as far as to back him up to the other guys if they ever found out. In fact, he already knew that Benji didn’t drink, didn’t eat meat, and wasn’t keen on having sex with some random girl at a party, and he didn’t seem to give it a second thought.

He was saved from having to reply by the doorbell. Just like when they were at Jimmy’s house, Matt ignored it and Zacky and Brian let themselves inside.

“Where’s Johnny?” Benji asked.

“He has to work until like midnight,” Matt answered. “He’ll be over later.”

“What’s up, kid?” Brian asked Benji, grinning. “How was your first week of school?”

“Fine, thanks,” Benji replied.

“You sound like his goddamn mother,” Zacky teased. He put on a false high-pitched voice. “Oh, Benji honey, were you a good boy this week?”

“Of course not,” Matt scoffed. “He hangs out with me.”

Benji smirked but said nothing. Truthfully, hanging out with Matt was no different than hanging out with Joel and Paul back in Waldorf. If anything, he got into _less_ trouble out here, but he wasn’t about to tarnish Matt’s reputation with his friends.

“So are we swimming or what?” Zacky asked, looking bored.

“No buttsex in my pool,” Matt said firmly. “And you’re lending Benji a pair of trunks.”

“Can we eat first?” Benji asked quietly.

“You want to eat before going swimming?” Zacky raised an eyebrow. “You really are a rebel.”

Matt rolled his eyes. “It’s dinnertime, jackass.” He looked over at Benji. “I was going to order pizza. They make vegetarian pies.”

“Oh, that’s okay,” said Benji. “I can pick off the meat. I do it at school.”

“No biggie,” said Matt. “Whatever you don’t eat I’ll just keep here and you can munch on it when you come over.”

“Might as well move the kid in,” Brian said, giving Matt a smug look.

“Don’t tempt me,” said Matt seriously with a frown. “You guys should see the bitch of a woman he lives with. I think she’d like nothing better than to chain him to a wall and beat him with a stick simply for existing. Does she hit you?”

“No,” said Benji quickly, shaking his head. “She doesn’t even talk to me except to tell me to clean something or leave her alone.”

“Okay,” said Matt. “If she ever does, you call me. I can’t beat her ass for you, but I can get you out of there.”

“You could get Kristin to beat her ass,” Zacky said fondly. “I wouldn’t fuck with that girl, and I’ve got like fifty pounds on her.”

“Oh, I would fuck with her.” Matt smirked. “She can ‘hit’ me all she wants.”

Benji laughed with the other guys and made himself comfortable on the leather couch while Matt called the pizza place. He raised his eyebrows when he overheard Matt ordering a large salad, and Brian leaned over to whisper in his ear.

“Zacky is a closet salad freak. Shhh, it’s a secret.”

Benji grinned.

“I believe a pair of my trunks are in the poolhouse,” Zacky said, ignoring his boyfriend. “We’re already wearing ours, so I can show you where it is and you can change out there.”

“Careful, Z,” Brian said. “Matt will pound you if you disappear with him.”

“I’m not going to sodomize him in the _poolhouse_ ,” Zacky said, rolling his eyes. “The gazebo is much more comfortable for that. Come on, let’s go.”

Zacky detached himself from Brian and extended his hand to help Benji off of the couch, keeping his hold on it as he led him through the elegant dining room and through the backdoor to a yard that Benji thought he might have seen once in _Better Homes and Gardens_.

“You should see the gardener,” Zacky was saying. “He is smokin’ fucking hot. If Brian was into _papis_ , I would totally ask for a threeway.”

Benji said nothing, choosing to appreciate the bright flower beds and random lawn ornaments that surrounded the cobblestone deck area.

“The pool boy is okay,” Zacky went on, his face contemplative, “But we don’t see him as much since he only comes by at the asscrack of dawn on Mondays.”

Zacky opened the door of the poolhouse and shoved Benji inside. “Make it quick. Matt will freak if he sees you in here.”

“Why?” Benji asked.

“‘Cause this is where Johnny fucked his mom.”

Benji’s eyes went wide as he closed the door behind him, searching for the trunks. He found them laying on the bench and began to disrobe as fast as he could.

“I don’t really see what the big deal is,” Zacky said through the door. “His mom fucked the pool boy and the gardener too – lucky bitch – and he didn’t give two shits about that.”

“Maybe because Johnny’s his friend?” Benji suggested, shrugging even though Zacky couldn’t see him. “I’d be pissed if my friend slept with my mom too.”

“It wasn’t like that,” said Zacky. “But Matt refuses see it that way. His dad had just died and Johnny brought him home piss drunk from the bar. After putting Matt to bed, Johnny went and checked on his mom ’cause, you know, we all grew up together and our families are close. She was crying here in the poolhouse and saying stupid shit like how she would never find love again, how she was old and ugly, and how she would just end it if it wasn’t for her son. Real emo shit for a kid to handle – Johnny was only your age when this happened. Anyway, he slept with her because he wanted to make her feel beautiful again. Matt’s old man had really done a number on her – all of them, actually.”

Benji felt very uneasy hearing this from someone other than Matt. In an effort to end the conversation, he ignored his self-consciousness and flung open the door wearing only Zacky’s trunks. Zacky grinned at him and began stripping off his own shirt and pants as they walked towards the inground pool.

Brian was already in the water, his wet black hair making him look like a drowned rat. “I told Matt you showed him around the garden. He’s upstairs changing.”

Zacky nodded and cannonballed into the pool, splashing Benji as well as Brian. Benji sat down on the side and eased his way in, relaxing when he discovered that the water was almost as warm as the weather.

“Did Johnny do your tattoos too?” Benji asked, noting both Zacky and Brian’s fully sleeved arms.

“Not all of them,” Zacky replied, casually dunking Brian under the water as he spoke. “He just started doing them a couple years ago. But he’s done all of our recent ones, ’cause he gives us discounts for putting up with him.”

Brian resurfaced and splashed Zacky hard in the face. “He’s really good. Jimmy’s parents are real protective of him, but they let him get tats as long as Johnny does them.”

“I don’t think my aunt would like it,” Benji said slowly, feeling very pale and small compared to the larger tattooed men. “I’d probably get in trouble or something, and she would know that Matt’s not really a good Catholic boy and stop letting me hang out with him.”

Zacky and Brian laughed. “Yeah,” said Brian. “He told me about his Oscar performance at your house. Why is she so hard on you anyways?”

“It’s a long story,” Benji answered honestly.

The other two seemed to accept this and concentrated their full attention on dunking each other as much as possible. Benji swam towards the shallow end and sat on one of the steps, watching their fake fight.

Matt strolled out of the house in his swimming trunks, and Benji couldn’t help but stare at him. He had the body of one of those personal trainers whom he had seen in his mother’s workout videos, and he had to fight to keep his jealousy contained.

Apparently Zacky and Brian felt the same way. “Ow _ow_!” Zacky called while Brian whistled. “Hot shit, coming through.”

“Fags,” Matt muttered again, lowering himself into the water and placing his sunglasses on the side. Benji watched as he dove under the water and swam towards him, looking much like a shark with a lip ring and piercing green eyes.

Matt broke the surface next to Benji and pushed his hair out of his eyes. “Pizza’s on its way. How’s the water?”

“Great,” Benji replied. He saw Zacky and Brian creeping up behind Matt, both with a finger pressed to their lips, and inwardly smirked. “It’s really nice out here.”

“It’s better at night,” said Matt, oblivious to the two men sneaking up on him. “Although I like to sit in the hot tub when the sun goes down. Seems appropriate.”

“Yeah,” agreed Benji, even though he had never even seen a hot tub except for on TV.

“We’ll probably do that later, after -” Matt was abruptly cut off as Zacky and Brian grabbed him by the hair and pushed him under the water. Benji could see the fury in his eyes as he struggled against them and eventually decided to just stand up.

“You don’t dunk people in the shallow end,” he said with a smirk, as Zacky and Brian backed away from the six-foot-two figure towering over them.

“Hey, pizza’s here,” Benji announced, noticing that a very scared-looking boy had just walked through the back gate.

“Oh yeah,” said Matt, rushing past Benji to get out of the pool. “Thanks for coming around back, man. Didn’t want to walk through the house soaking wet.”

The boy didn’t say anything, his eyes glued to Matt’s chest and slowly drifting downwards. He eventually held out the boxes as well as a receipt for Matt to sign.

“You can put them on the chair,” said Matt, nodding towards the nearby lounge chair.

“I know that dude!” Brian exclaimed suddenly, swimming over towards the side closest to them. “We went to school together. You’re Pete Wentz, right?”

The boy nodded, his eyes never wavering from Matt.

“I think he likes you,” said Zacky. “ _Told_ you you’re a fine specimen for the gay community.”

“I’m not gay,” Pete Wentz squeaked.

“Then why are you staring at my crotch?” Matt asked casually, handing him the signed receipt and standing with his arms crossed. “It’s called a penis. Don’t you have one too?”

Pete Wentz blushed a painful-looking shade of red and started to walk away.

“Thanks, and have a nice day!” Matt shouted after him. He turned towards the pool and shook his head. “You’d have thought my shit was hanging out or something. Damn emo kids.”

Benji laughed appropriately but kind of felt sorry for Pete Wentz. After all, Benji had looked at Matt like that the first time in the locker room, and he hadn’t blinked an eye. He shrugged it off and swam towards where Matt was setting the boxes on the side of the pool.

“Here’s the vegetarian one, Benj,” he said, pushing a box towards Benji. He glanced towards Zacky and Brian, who were already chowing down on the other two boxes and, of course, Zacky’s giant salad.

“You’re welcome, you ungrateful bastards,” Matt said to them. “And slow down. I’m not playing lifeguard when your dumbasses drown.”

“Thanks, Matt,” said Benji, smiling up at him.

“Don’t mention it, kid,” said Matt. “I don’t mind covering you, but those two assholes’ parents make enough to warrant them treating every once in awhile.”

“I’m a student,” Zacky said through a mouthful of food, as though that was a good enough reason as any.

“What for?” Benji asked, interested.

Zacky swallowed forcibly. “I’m in med school.”

Benji tried not to show his surprise. However, Zacky seemed to read his eyes and grinned. “Doctors can have tattoos and piercings too, you know.”

“My baby’s gonna make me a lot of money,” Brian said in a fake Southern accent, batting his eyelashes at Zacky. “So I don’t have to work and I can stay at home and raise the chillun.”

Zacky snorted. “Only if you’re having them.”

“They’re so married,” Matt commented, sitting on the edge of the pool and lightly kicking his feet in the water as he ate.

“We should fly to England and do it,” Zacky said.

Brian feigned shock. “Are you proposing to me? In M’s pool with an entire slice of pizza shoved in your mouth? How romantic!”

Zacky rolled his eyes and smacked Brian in the face with a breadstick.

“Best form of free entertainment,” Matt said to Benji. “I could watch those two for hours.”

“Me too,” replied Benji, his eyes growing wide as Brian began doing very inappropriate things to the breadstick with his tongue.

“Hey, enough of that,” Matt called out, laughing. “Don’t scare the kid with your faggotry.”

Benji laughed with him. “Doesn’t scare me. I’m impressed that he can take the whole thing.”

“He’s really cheating, ’cause it’s squishy,” said Zacky.

Brian bit firmly into the breadstick and ignored Zacky’s wince. “You have to relax your throat,” he told Benji seriously.

Matt shook his head, dusted the crumbs off his hands, and jumped back in the pool. Benji watched him wade across to the other side where the shade was, resting his arms on the side and leaning his head back.

“Wow,” said Brian and Zacky together, looking completely bewildered.

“What?” asked Benji.

“I think,” said Brian slowly, “that for the first time in two and a half years, we’ve finally succeeded in making him uncomfortable.”

> _Chapter Five – Testosterone Boys and Harlequin Girls_

“Why are we doing this again?” Benji asked, pulling on his tie in an effort to loosen it enough to breathe properly.

“So J isn’t here by himself,” Matt answered simply, pulling into the school parking lot.

Benji looked around at all the formally dressed students walking into the gymnasium. “Are those the girls from St. Sabina?”

“Yeah,” said Matt, checking his reflection in the rear-view mirror and reluctantly ditching his sunglasses. “J has a crush on one of them, so our job is to try and get them to talk to each other. And should we happen to find ourselves a couple of girls in the process, so be it.”

Benji forced a smile. “You know the only reason my aunt let me come tonight is because she knew I didn’t want to.”

“I counted on that.” Matt flashed him a grin. “It won’t be that bad. Come on.”

Benji got out of the car and followed Matt inside the school. Father Brennigan nodded at them as they walked past.

“Jesus didn’t do any cool shit in October,” Matt was saying, “so this is the Catholic version of Homecoming, called the Harvest Dance.”

“What did you say, young man?” Father Brennigan asked, leaning towards him with a frown.

“I said Jesus is cool,” Matt said loudly, nodding his head.

“Oh, all right.” Father Brennigan’s face relaxed. “You two have fun, and make nice with the young ladies from St. Sabina.”

“I’ll make nice with them all right,” Matt said under his breath.

Benji took in the decorations and inhaled sharply. “They sure go all out, don’t they?”

“You’re talking about kids who don’t drink, smoke, swear, fuck, or go anywhere other than church.” Matt gave him a knowing look. “They have to release their hormones somewhere. Wait until Christmastime.”

The blue and white streamers and balloons hung from the ceiling as Matt led Benji to the punch bowl where Jimmy was standing nervously.

“Is she here yet?” Matt asked cheerfully, clapping Jimmy on the back and reaching for a cup.

Jimmy shook his head and looked down.

“I’m sure she’ll show up,” Matt said assuredly as he poured some punch and handed the cup to Benji.

“Do you know any of her friends?” Benji asked helpfully. “Maybe we could ask them if she’s coming.”

“She’ll be here,” said Matt. “The angels always show up at these things. Not much else to do that God approves of, you know.”

Benji frowned. Something was off about Matt tonight, and it was starting to bother him. He figured that maybe they had just been spending too much time together, nearly every day after school and every weekend for almost two months. He usually enjoyed Matt’s company, though.

“Something wrong?” he asked carefully.

Matt cocked his head and regarded him with a blank look. “No. Why?”

“No reason,” said Benji quickly. “Must have been the light.”

Matt shrugged and focused his attention on Jimmy as their younger friend almost squealed.

“And there she is.” A slow grin spread over Matt’s face. “Check her out, Benj.”

Benji followed Matt’s inconspicuous pointing towards the entrance where they had came in, straight towards a very pretty girl with curly brown hair and a pink dress. She saw the three of them looking in her direction and waved at them, her gaze landing on Jimmy.

“They’ve been dancing around each other for almost two years now,” Matt said, giving Jimmy a nudge in the back. “Go talk to her, J.”

Jimmy looked helplessly at Benji, and Benji smirked. “If you don’t go talk to her, I will.”

Jimmy narrowed his eyes and strode purposefully across the room to where the girl was standing by herself. Her face lit up as he approached, and Matt and Benji both sighed affectionately.

“Young love,” said Matt. “Ain’t it sickening?”

“Oh, I don’t know,” said Benji, smiling. “I think it’s nice.”

“You would.” Matt scoffed and turned to walk away.

“What is that supposed to mean?” Benji demanded, reaching up to grab Matt by the shoulder.

Matt spun around to face him, and Benji thought he might punch him in the face. Instead, his face relaxed and he sighed again. “I didn’t mean it to come out like that, but we obviously have two very different views on the way this sort of thing works.”

“What sort of thing?” asked Benji skeptically.

“Girls, relationships.” Matt shrugged. “My first and only girlfriend slept with any guy who had an OC zip code, so forgive me for being a little bitter about it all.”

Benji dragged him over to a row of chairs and pushed him into one. “If we’re going to argue, I’d rather not do it in front of our whole school,” he explained. “Now, you’re going to have to forgive _me_ for not buying this, because we both know that you could walk up to any of those girls – including the one Jimmy likes – and take them home.”

“I wouldn’t do that to him,” said Matt grimly, looking up at Benji with some sort of admiration in his eyes. “And taking them home has nothing to do with it. Between my ex-girlfriend and my fucking parents, I have a very distorted concept about how it’s supposed to work.”

Benji sat down in the chair next to him and downed the rest of his punch. “Is this spiked?” he asked, making a face.

“If it is, I didn’t do it.” Matt laughed shortly. “And I’d sure like to meet the guy who did.”

Benji leaned his head back to look at Matt. “You’re not the only one who’s messed up, you know.”

Matt blinked. “Have you even had a girlfriend before?”

“Yes, actually, I have,” Benji said, stretching the truth just a tad. One word didn’t make that much of a difference anyway, he decided. “Only we had to sneak around for close to a year because we knew our parents wouldn’t approve. She’s, um, black.” That was a straight out lie, and he hoped Matt wouldn’t call his bluff. “We had to break it off when I left, and I miss her like crazy. I can’t chance writing her in case my aunt gets to the mail before I do and reads her reply.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Matt asked, appearing to buy the whole story. “I’ve been throwing girls at you since the beginning of school, and you never said anything.” He laughed. “I was actually beginning to think that you were gay.”

Benji laughed forcibly. “I didn’t think you wanted to hear about it. Everybody has their bad stories, like you said before.”

Matt frowned. “You think she’ll wait for you?”

“I know she won’t,” said Benji, shrugging. “We agreed before I left that we should bide our time however it seems necessary until fate brings us together again.” He paused. “That doesn’t mean I’m going to actively seek out someone else, though. I’m not that hard up.”

Matt nodded. “It’s been really shitty since Val dumped me. She wasn’t the best girlfriend, but she was someone, and also someone who happened to be one of my best friend’s sisters.”

“Zacky has another sister?” Benji asked.

“Seven,” said Matt. “He’s smack in the middle of a long line of estrogen. No wonder he ended up with a man.”

Benji couldn’t stop from laughing. “What are his other sisters like?”

“Not Val.” Matt sighed. “Good Catholic girls. Somehow Val and Zacky were the only bad seeds of the bunch, and Zacky’s only considered bad because he’s gay. Otherwise, he more or less follows the book. He even went to church up until Brian turned eighteen and they got a place together.”

“He couldn’t take Brian to church with him?”

“Well, he could have, but they would have been warded away with crosses and doused with Holy Water. They kind of evaded your question when you asked them if they got any trouble from anyone – they haven’t had any since they stopped going to church. Zacky’s family has been going to this conservative old-school Catholic church for years. They still do Mass in Latin and shit.”

“Catholics seem to take the word of God very seriously,” Benji said. “Makes me glad I’m Protestant. It just seems more relaxed.”

Matt’s eyes darted towards Benji. “You’re Protestant? Really?”

“Born and raised.”

“You didn’t tell me that, either.” Matt frowned again. “Did you think I would make fun of you or something?”

“No,” said Benji quickly. “I guess it never came up.”

“Benj, we go to a _Catholic_ school.” Matt gave him a knowing look. “You didn’t tell me because you thought I would make fun of you. Admit it.”

“Not so much you,” Benji admitted, “but the other guys. Of course, that’s before I knew Zacky and Brian were religious.”

“Zacky is, Brian’s not,” Matt corrected. “It’s complicated, but somehow they work it out.”

“They’re really cool,” said Benji. “I like them a lot.”

“I’m glad.” Matt smiled and glanced out towards the dance floor. “Oh, look!”

Benji had to lean halfway across Matt to see where he was pointing, but it was worth it to see Jimmy and his girl dancing very slowly with their arms wrapped around each other and her head on his shoulder.

“That’s my boy,” Matt said, inches from Benji’s ear.

Benji retreated to his seat. “Good for him. At least one of us seems to know what he’s doing.”

Matt shook his head at the happy couple, grinning harder. “Yeah. I guess it’s nice after all.”

“Does this mean we can leave now?” Benji asked. “If we’re just going to sit around and talk, we can do it somewhere else without being choked by our ties.”

“It doesn’t choke you if you do it right,” said Matt, reaching out to loosen Benji’s tie. “Have I taught you nothing?”

“Apparently not,” Benji said, smirking. “I still don’t know what a Hail Mary is.”

“That’s because I do our Theology homework,” said Matt. “In exchange for you helping me with Geometry, of course.”

“Of course,” Benji agreed.

Matt finished his drink and looked oddly at his cup. “You know, I think this _is_ spiked.”

> _Chapter Six – (The Way) Your Makeup Stains My Pillowcase_

“Where do you think you’re going?” Aunt Lynn demanded, barricading the front door with her enormous behind.

“Matt’s family invited me over for Thanksgiving,” Benji replied jovially, giving her his best smile.

“I don’t believe you,” Aunt Lynn spat.

“Why, because he’s not here to tell you himself?”

“I want to talk to his mother,” said Aunt Lynn. “You’ve been over there more than you’ve been here since school started. Your mother told me I should confirm that with Mrs. Sanders, no matter how nice her son is.”

Smart Mom, Benji thought, but he just grabbed the nearby cordless and dialed Matt’s home number. “She’s expecting your call.”

Aunt Lynn rushed to put the phone to her ear as it started ringing, giving Benji a dirty look. “Oh, hello? Mrs. Sanders? Hi, this is Lynn Combs, Benjamin’s aunt… Yes, I just wanted to make sure… Uh huh… Uh huh…”

Benji leaned against the wall as he studied his aunt’s face. She looked surprised, then startled, then relaxed. When she hung up the phone, her eyes grew fierce. “What exactly have you been telling these people about me?”

Benji’s eyes widened. “Just that we’re not that close and I can only leave the house for school functions because I’m in trouble.”

“Well,” Aunt Lynn huffed, “from now on you’re allowed to do whatever he asks of you. Apparently you having to get my permission first has led his mother to believe that I’m ‘too hard’ on you. Matthew is a perfect role model and a wonderful influence, although I have no idea why he wants to waste his time with the likes of you. If he wants you to do something, all you have to do is have him call me and let me know. Is that clear?”

“Yes, ma’am,” said Benji, grinning. “Did she tell you I was staying the weekend?”

“Yes she did,” she replied, frowning. “She also offered to take you permanently if I decided that you were too much of a ‘burden’ on me.”

Benji gasped. That wasn’t part of the plan at all. “I -”

“I must admit, the offer is tempting.” Aunt Lynn crossed her arms and cocked her head in thought. “She probably stays at home all day while her husband works. A wonderful Catholic mother. Well, let me talk to your mom about it this weekend, and you tell Mrs. Sanders I’ll give Matthew an answer when he brings you home on Sunday.”

“Wait,” said Benji. “I don’t know if -”

“This isn’t your decision to make,” Aunt Lynn said firmly. “You are seventeen and after what you did to your mother, you should be grateful I’m even considering it.”

Benji slumped. “Okay. May I go now? Matt’s waiting for me.”

“I don’t see why he couldn’t pick you up here,” Aunt Lynn said skeptically. “If his mother hadn’t just told me that he was on his way, I’d think you were leaving with someone else.”

“May I go?” Benji asked again.

“Yes. Behave.”

“‘Kay. ‘Bye!” Benji raced out the front door before she could ask anymore questions. He found it very hard to believe that she hadn’t given him a second glance when he told her that something was wrong with Matt’s car and it couldn’t handle the speed bumps in their subdivision, therefore he would have to meet him at the park down the street. It just goes to show that people will believe anything if the source is an otherwise undeniable angel, at least in their eyes.

Zacky and Brian were making out very obviously on a bench when Benji reached the park. “Hey, lovebirds!” he called out to them, grinning.

Zacky pulled away and waved at him, but Brian appeared to ignore him as he continued kissing Zacky’s neck.

“Babe, I know it’s Thanksgiving, but wait until we get to Matt’s,” Zacky said softly to his boyfriend before turning back to Benji. “He’s very thankful.”

“Obviously,” said Benji.

“How’d it go with your aunt?” Brian asked, straightening up and leading the way to Zacky’s old Mustang.

“Surprisingly well,” Benji answered. “Although I didn’t know Matt’s mom was going to offer to have me live with them.”

“We did,” Zacky and Brian replied simultaneously. “It was his suggestion,” Brian continued. “He doesn’t like the idea of you staying with someone so lifeless. Says every time he sees you, you look more miserable.”

“Of course,” said Zacky, “I still hold that you just need some love in your life.”

“And by ‘love’ he means ‘cock’,” clarified Brian.

“Which is the only reason we offered to save Matt some gas and come get you ourselves,” Zacky finished. “To talk to you.”

“I’ve already had the sex talk, thanks,” Benji said as he crawled into the backseat.

“It has nothing to do with sex,” said Brian. “Surprisingly,” he added.

Zacky started the car and began the long journey to Matt’s neighborhood. Benji was a little anxious to finally meet his mom, especially after knowing what she did for a living, but she seemed impatient to meet him, and besides, she had just talked his aunt into allowing him to do whatever he wanted as long as Matt was there.

“You should know that Matt’s been drinking himself retarded since he rolled out of bed this morning,” Zacky said suddenly, startling Benji from his thoughts. “Thanksgiving is a kind of bad day for him.”

“Which is why it’s the only day of the year that his mom closes the ‘shop’ and stays with him,” said Brian. “Makes sure he doesn’t accidentally drown himself in the pool or something.”

“She really is a good woman,” said Zacky. “Even my mom speaks highly of her, and, well, she can be rather judgmental.”

“Yeah,” Brian said bitterly. “Your mom likes Matt’s mom more than she likes me.”

“That’s ’cause Matt’s mom isn’t giving it to me in the ass,” Zacky said bluntly. “Although I have heard they just added that to the menu – to appeal to our crowd, I guess.” He shrugged. “I can’t imagine why a gay man would go to a woman for that, though.”

“Maybe if he wasn’t entirely sure he was gay?” Benji suggested. “Doing that with a woman might make him feel straight.”

Two heads swiveled around to gape at him; Zacky’s stayed for a brief second before turning back to the road. “Are you trying to tell us something, young Benji?” asked Brian, searching his eyes.

“Nope,” said Benji. “Just sayin’.”

“All right,” Brian said in that tone of voice that told Benji that he didn’t believe him one bit. “You know, if you ever want to talk about… that stuff, you can come to us.”

“I’m seventeen, not twelve,” Benji said, only mildly offended. “I do know where everything goes.”

“Insert tab A into slot C,” Zacky joked, laughing. “And I knew where it went at twelve.”

Brian rolled his eyes and turned around to face the front. “But anyways, that’s the real reason Matt didn’t come get you himself. He knew he would be fucked up today and didn’t want to put you in danger.”

“What happened?” Benji asked, and as soon as the words left his mouth he regretted saying them.

Zacky and Brian exchanged a look. “We’ll let him tell you,” said Brian finally. “He doesn’t think we know the whole story, but secrets don’t last long in our close-knitted group of families.”

“Secrets don’t really exist at all,” said Zacky. “My mom found out I was gay from Brian’s mom, only neither knew that I was gay with her son. _Johnny’s_ mom ratted us out after she caught us kissing in the tree next to her backyard. It’s like _Desperate Housewives_ up in this bitch.”

“At least until Matt’s mom went corporate,” said Brian. “She was kind of ostracized from their little clique after that.”

“You think he’ll tell me?” Benji wondered out loud.

“Yeah, why wouldn’t he?” Brian replied. “He was right pissed when he found out you were keeping stuff from him ’cause you thought he would make fun of you, or we would, or whatever. Don’t worry, he didn’t tell us anything specific, but still.”

“He doesn’t realize how intimidating he is,” said Zacky. “If I wasn’t five years older than him, I’d probably be scared of him too.”

“I’m not scared of him,” Benji said defiantly. “And it wasn’t really anything important, just that I left a girlfriend back home and that I’m Protestant. But I didn’t know Zacky was Catholic, and you don’t see me yelling at you.”

“You and I are nowhere near as close as you and Matt are,” Zacky said. “The man treats you like his brother, moreso than the rest of us even. I personally think he has a thing for you, but whatever.”

Brian smacked Zacky on the shoulder. “What did you have to go and say that for? Now he’s going to be paranoid that Matt will molester him in his sleep or something.”

“You know,” said Benji slowly. “Just because you two are gay doesn’t mean everyone else is.”

Zacky glared at him through the rearview. “Watch it, kid. You don’t know anything about us, how we got together or what. I think you’d eat your words if you knew, but lucky for you, I’m going to spare you the story ’cause we’re almost there.”

Sure enough, they pulled into the long, twisted driveway and parked next to a very expensive-looking Jaguar. “Is that his mom’s car?” Benji asked incredulously.

“Yup,” said Brian. “She offered to buy him one, but he’d rather stick with his Caddy.”

“I guess he doesn’t like to flaunt it after all,” Benji mumbled to himself as they walked up to the door.

A petite woman with black curls answered the door, and Benji would have sworn on his entire family that she was just the maid or someone, at least until she swept down the steps and took him into her arms.

“Oh, finally!” she cried, hugging him tight. “I have heard so much about you, and it’s so nice to finally put a face with the name. I’m Jill Sanders, and please call me Jill.”

“Hello,” Benji said politely, trying not to let his shock show. This woman was a hooker?

Zacky and Brian smirked at him, clearly picking up on his reaction. “It’s always the small ones,” Brian whispered, throwing Benji’s own words back at him tenfold.

“Matthew is upstairs in his room,” said Jill as she ushered them inside. “Dinner won’t be ready for a little while yet – our bird this year is particularly ornery. Makes sense since Matthew picked it out.” She laughed cheerfully. “Would any of you like anything to drink?”

“I’m good, thanks,” replied Benji, heading for the stairs. Surprisingly, Zacky and Brian didn’t follow, choosing to remain with Matt’s mom and take her up on her drink offer.

Benji raced up the stairs two at a time, absolutely terrified at what he would find. It turns out that he needn’t have been worried, what with Matt sitting at his computer in a full suit and tie, sipping a glass of clear liquid that looked like water.

“Don’t get the wrong idea,” Matt said slowly, glancing at Benji after the fact. “It’s vodka.”

“Are you a mind reader?” Benji asked.

“I’m a body language reader,” replied Matt, slurring slightly. “And you have the most expressive and obvious body language of anyone I’ve ever met.”

“Thank you?” said Benji.

“You’re welcome.” Matt grinned and turned back to the computer. “I want to show you this, since we’re friends or something.”

“I’m not really into porn,” said Benji.

Matt laughed oddly and rubbed his eyes. “It’s not porn, Benj. Just look. Please.”

He made to get up out of the chair and almost stumbled; Benji ran up to catch him just before he fell and helped him sit on his bed. He sat very properly, as if he were at a very important meeting, and looked up at Benji with wide red eyes. “Please read it. It will save me from having to find the words to tell you.”

Benji didn’t know what to expect as he sat down at the computer, but a picture of a younger Matt surrounded by an article was nowhere near the top of his list of fears. But upon further reading, he realized that the picture was not in fact of Matt but his brother, Julian, who had committed suicide four years prior. On Thanksgiving. His _twin_ brother.

“Oh, my God,” Benji breathed. He spun around to look at Matt, only to catch him with a tissue to his eyes. “I-I don’t know what to say.”

Matt sniffed forcibly and blinked several times. “When was the last time you talked to your brother?”

Benji frowned. “Before I left Maryland.”

“Why don’t you two keep in touch?”

“We’re not allowed to.”

“Do you both want to?” asked Matt. “I mean, he’s not mad at you or anything, is he?”

“I don’t think so,” Benji replied. “And honestly, I would love nothing more than to talk to him, if just for a couple minutes.”

Matt pulled out his Sidekick. “What’s his number?”

“You can’t call,” Benji protested. “Mom knows the area code.”

“What’s the fucking number, Benji?” Matt demanded.

Benji gave him the number. Matt dialed as he spoke and stared at the ceiling as he waited for someone to answer. “Hi, is this Joel?” he said finally, making an odd face at the presumably male voice who had responded. “Oh, I’m sorry. Is Joel around? Okay, thanks.” He covered the mouthpiece and whispered, “Do you have another brother?”

Benji nodded. “He actually lives out here, in L.A., but he must have flown out there for Thanksgiving.”

Matt held up his hand. “Hi, Joel? Yeah, hey, this is going to sound weird, but is anyone around you? Can you make up some reason to take the phone out of the room?” He paused. “Yeah, you don’t know me, but I’ve got a present for you.” He threw the phone at Benji.

Benji picked it up and held it to his ear, his insides dancing. “Joel?”

“Oh, my God,” Joel’s voice whispered quietly in the phone. “Benj, is that you?”

“Yes, it’s me.” Benji grinned so hard it hurt. “Happy Thanksgiving!”

“Who was that?” Joel asked.

“My friend Matt,” said Benji. “He’s great.”

“Obviously, if he had the balls to call here on Thanksgiving.” He could almost hear Joel grinning as big as he was. “You’re really lucky that Mom knows about this project I have for school and believed me when I said it was my partner calling.”

“I miss you so much,” Benji blurted out. “I feel so alone here, even though I’ve made some awesome friends. Aunt Lynn is a heinous bitch.”

Matt covered his mouth and hissed, “You swore! I’m so proud!”

Joel laughed in a strained sort of way, as though he was trying to hold it in. “Well, she is our father’s sister. I wouldn’t expect any less from her.”

“How are you?” Benji asked.

“Not so good,” Joel replied gloomily. “A lot better now that I’m talking to you, though. I thought about having you call Paul’s house and he could call me on threeway, but I didn’t know how to get you the message.”

“I will do that now,” said Benji. “How is Paul?”

“He’s good,” said Joel, sighing. “Trying to keep me from going completely emo.”

“As usual,” joked Benji. “Although that used to be my job.”

“How’s Catholic school?” asked Joel.

“Not too bad, considering.” Benji chuckled. “Most of Matt’s friends – well, I guess they’re my friends too – are older and out of school.”

“That’s awesome,” said Joel. “I’m really glad you’re doing okay out there. I was worried for awhile when Mom said you were doing community service or something.”

“Yeah, that was a lie,” Benji said, laughing. “Aunt Lynn thinks Matt is a good Catholic boy and believes every word he says.”

“What is he really?” asked Joel.

Benji hesitated. “He’s… something else. You would love him.”

“As long as he’s good to you,” said Joel. “I already do.”

The phone was muffled for a second before Joel hissed, “I have to go. Call Paul’s tomorrow morning after eight ’cause Mom will be at work. I’ll tell him to sleep with the phone next to his ear, ’cause if he misses your call it will be ringing from inside his colon. I love you. ‘Bye.”

“I love you too,” Benji replied, but Matt’s Sidekick was already flashing ‘call ended’. Benji frowned for a second before tossing the phone back to Matt and gaping at him. “I don’t know what to say, man. Thank you so much.”

Matt smiled weakly. “If I can’t talk to mine anymore, you’re sure as hell going to be able to talk to yours.”

Benji chuckled. “I feel like I should hug you or something.”

“That’s okay,” said Matt. He leaned his elbows on his knees and held his head with both hands. “I think I need to eat.”

“That’s probably a good idea,” said Benji, getting up from the chair and grabbing both of Matt’s hands to help him up. “By the way, your mom is really nice.”

Matt grinned and said, “She looks good for an old whore, doesn’t she?” just before he passed out in Benji’s arms.

> _Chapter Seven – Loose Lips Sink Ships_

“He just needs to sleep it off,” said Zacky, warding back the group of people who were gathered around Matt’s bed.

“Forgive me for not trusting your judgment,” said Benji hysterically, “but you’re only in your first year of med school. What if he has alcohol poisoning? Or liver damage?”

“It does run in the family,” Jill said worriedly, glancing at Benji.

“I’m with Zacky,” said Brian. “There’s no reason to take him to the hospital and have his stomach pumped just so everyone can tell Jill what a bad mom she is.”

“I made him eat first,” said Jill defensively. “And he only drank vodka. I watched him – I always do.”

“He’ll be fine,” Zacky insisted. “Just let him sleep. And put a bucket next to his bed ’cause he’ll probably want to puke when he wakes up.”

“It gets worse every year.” Jill affectionately ruffled her son’s hair, and Benji noted that he hadn’t even bothered putting hair gel in it despite his otherwise formal attire.

“I can only imagine,” said Benji, trying not to think about it. Even his worst nightmares didn’t involve Joel killing himself.

“It was awful,” Jill said quietly. “Matthew found him with the gun to his mouth, you know, after.”

Benji shuddered. He really didn’t want to hear this.

“Last year he was okay,” said Zacky. “Mostly because of my sister. She drank with him so eventually he forgot about everything except making out with her.”

“You know,” said Benji. “I would feel really weird if I woke up and four people were staring at me. We should leave him be.”

Zacky nodded and began hoarding everyone out of the room. Benji admired his take-charge attitude and realized that he was probably the one who took control when Matt was out of commission. He had wondered why they were here instead of at their own families’ celebrations.

Johnny was waiting in the kitchen when they returned. “Hope you don’t mind that I let myself in, Jill.”

“What are you doing here?” Benji demanded. He started to make his way towards him but Zacky grabbed his arm.

“He was _invited_ ,” he hissed. “And Matt is okay with it so you need to be too.”

Benji stopped moving, but he continued to glare at Johnny.

“Did I miss the annual drunken extravaganza?” Johnny said brightly, snapping his fingers in mock disappoint. “Damn, I knew I should have woken up earlier.”

“You are such an asshole,” Benji said firmly.

“You really are,” added Brian, much to Zacky’s amazement.

Johnny looked blankly at Brian. “I’ll leave then.”

“No,” said Zacky, stepping forward. “No, Johnny, don’t go. We’re all just a little tense. He actually passed out this time.”

Johnny’s expression immediately turned into concern. “Is he okay? I can drive if you want to take him to the hospital.”

Benji relaxed the fists he didn’t realize he had been clenching and shook his head. “He’s fine. He’s just sleeping.”

Johnny nodded. “All right.”

“Let’s just watch the game,” said Zacky, settling himself on the couch and flipping on the TV even though Benji was sure that nobody in the house cared about football.

Jill started to head towards the kitchen, but Johnny stopped her. “I’ll get it, Jill. You sit down and relax.”

“I’ll help you,” said Benji, wanting more than anything to be busy doing something.

Johnny nodded and gestured for Benji to follow him into the kitchen. “Listen, kid,” he began quietly so nobody in the next room would hear, “I don’t know if Matt told you, but -”

“I know about his brother,” Benji interrupted. “I have a twin brother too. It makes me physically hurt to think about it.”

Johnny shook his head. “That’s not what I was going to say, but okay. What would you do if your brother shot his brains out in front of you?”

Benji’s jaw dropped. “B-But his mom said that he found him -”

“Jill still doesn’t know the whole story,” said Johnny firmly. “She assumed that Matt’s fingerprints were on the gun because he knocked it out of his hands when he found him.”

Benji blinked. “What are you saying?”

“What I’m saying, Benji,” said Johnny slowly, “is that Matt was the one with the gun to his head when I got there.”

~*~*~*~

It was getting dark outside by the time the stubborn turkey was ready, and Benji was given the task of trying to wake Matt up for dinner. “He won’t punch _you_ ,” Zacky had said with a wink.

Benji crept up the stairs towards Matt’s room and paused at the door, wondering if he should knock or not.

“I’m alive,” called out croaky voice.

“Are you decent?” Benji asked.

“Decent enough.”

Benji shrugged and pushed open the door. Matt was lying on his bed, staring at the ceiling, his shirt halfway unbuttoned and his belt undone. “Did I ruin Thanksgiving again?” he asked sadly.

“Nope,” Benji replied, smiling as he closed the door behind him and gingerly took a seat on the edge of Matt’s bed. “It’s just starting.”

“Awesome, I’m starving.” He continued staring at the ceiling.

“Do I have to carry you downstairs?” Benji asked amusedly. “‘Cause I don’t think I’m the best suited for that task. We would both fall down and break our necks.”

“Probably not the best idea,” Matt replied, turning his neck to look at Benji as though it pained him to do so. “Just give me a minute, ‘kay?”

“Yeah, no problem.” Benji made to leave the room.

“You don’t have to leave,” said Matt quietly.

“Okay.” Benji sat back down.

Matt smiled at him, but it looked forced. “I’m really sorry you had to see this.”

“Like you said, we’re all fucked up.” Benji shrugged.

Matt laughed. “You swore again!”

“Yeah, I did.” Benji grinned. “Must be all that good influence my aunt thinks you have.”

“Pfft,” said Matt. “Your aunt is the most gullible woman I’ve ever met. Hundred bucks says if I had sent J to your door that first time, she wouldn’t have bought it.”

“Well, he doesn’t talk much,” Benji said. “In fact, I don’t think he’s ever said a word to me.”

“Yeah, he’s quiet,” said Matt thoughtfully. “He likes you, though. Told me so.”

“So what you’re really saying is,” Benji said with a smirk, “my aunt only bought your story because she thought you were hot.”

“Pretty much, yeah.” Matt snorted. “That makes me a cocky bastard, I know, but hey.”

Benji’s head spun around as there was a knock on the door. “Are you guys done having raunchy holiday buttsex yet?” called Zacky. “This turkey is begging to be devoured by a bunch of bad Catholics.”

“I’m not Catholic!” Benji and Matt shouted back in unison.

“The hell you aren’t, Matthew,” his mother’s voice replied. “You can’t deny your roots. And can’t you wait until after dinner to play with your boyfriend?”

“God,” Matt said seriously, looking up at the ceiling again. “If you’re up there, will you please tell my mother, Zacky, Brian, and probably Johnny that I don’t like the peen? No offense, Benj. I’m sure yours is very nice.”

“None taken,” Benji said, laughing into his hands. “You’re really Catholic?”

Matt grinned. “Guess you weren’t the only one keeping secrets.”

“That’s not a secret, Matt, that’s a blatant lie.”

“Eh, technicalities.” Matt frowned. “Are you mad?”

“No,” said Benji. “I think it’s funny that you thought I would think you were cooler if you weren’t really Catholic and going to a Catholic school.”

“That’s a lot of thinking,” said Matt, holding his forehead. “I’m pretty sure you said I was cool in there, though, so thanks for that.”

“Yeah, whatever.” Benji got up from the bed and turned to look down at Matt. “Get up or I’m going to tell your mom that we’re fucking.”

Matt smirked. “You wish.”

~*~*~*~

Matt lifted his wine glass from the edge of the hot tub and sank so low that Benji thought he was going to go completely under.

“The perfect ending to a craptastic day,” he toasted.

Benji clinked Matt’s glass with his own and took a sip of the sweet champagne. He had agreed to drink it only after Matt and his mother had assured him that it was no worse than communion wine.

Of course, Benji belatedly realized, people drink communion wine in a tiny plastic cup, whereas the two of them were on their third glass of champagne apiece.

Benji felt the liquid courage warm his belly as he fixed his droopy eyes on the man seated across from him. “Tell me about your brother.”

Matt smiled fondly. “What can I say? He was a royal badass. You think I’m cool now? I have nothing on him.”

Benji settled back against the side of the tub. “I want to hear about it.”

Matt looked up at the night sky and sighed contently. “Well, we were fourteen, and we thought we owned the world. Shit wasn’t too good at home, but we went out whenever we could and got into trouble. Nothing too major – we didn’t rob any banks or beat anyone up, we just loitered a lot and drove people insane pretending to be each other. You know, twin stuff.”

Benji nodded. He could relate.

“He was really good at math, like you.” Matt’s smile was absolutely genuine, and Benji couldn’t help but smile just looking at him. “He sat my math tests and I wrote his essays for Lit or whatever. We _never_ got caught. And God, we were so _different_ , it was like acting in a play whenever I had to be Jules. I was kind of shy and quiet while he was -”

“Excuse me,” Benji said, laughing. “Shy and quiet? You?”

“Shut it, I was fourteen.” Matt laughed with him, blushing a bit. Or maybe it was the wine. “He was the one who was all about metal bands and tattoos, and he’s probably really pissed that he died before Johnny got his license.” Matt sighed and looked straight at Benji. “It’s like, when he died, he became part of me, and I started getting into those things too. ‘Cause, well…” He paused, looking sheepish. “Zacky and Johnny were really _his_ friends, and Brian and Jimmy were mine. We all hung together, but some of us were closer than others. If that makes any sense.”

“Makes perfect sense,” Benji said, finding it hard to enunciate.

“He would flip out if he knew Zacky and Brian were fucking now,” Matt went on, snorting into his champagne. “I mean, you know, they’re not _just_ fucking, but yeah.”

“They’re really happy,” Benji commented.

“Makes you wonder,” Matt said.

Benji raised an eyebrow. “Wonder what?”

“You know.” Matt gave Benji a knowing look. “If it’s better playing for the other team.”

Ordinarily, Benji wouldn’t have thought this to be the best conversation topic for two guys in a hot tub wearing only swimming trunks, but three glasses of champagne seemed to say otherwise.

“I don’t have any basis for comparison.” He cleared his throat importantly because it seemed like the right thing to do. “But it wasn’t too bad.”

“ _What_?” Matt exclaimed, covering his mouth with his hands and… was that giggling?

“Shhh,” Benji whispered, even though there was nobody else outside with them. “Don’t tell anyone, okay? It’s my dirty little secret.”

“Did you… you know…” Matt made an obscene gesture with his hands.

Benji nodded.

Matt squealed so loud that Benji thought he might wake up his mom. “What about your girlfriend? Did she know about it?”

“Oh, her.” Benji squinted and tried to remember what he had already told Matt about his ‘girlfriend’. Sighing, he decided to just come clean. “Um, he _was_ her.”

“Wait, he used to be a chick?” Matt scrunched his nose up, confused. “Or you just _told_ me it was a her. Yeah, that makes more sense.”

Benji laughed. “So yeah, that’s the truth.”

“So you’re gay,” Matt said simply.

“I-I don’t know,” Benji replied honestly. “I’ve never been with a girl, but they don’t gross me out or anything. I’ve kissed girls. It’s hard to think about now because…” Benji gave up and tossed his head back, completely smacking it against the side of the hot tub and not caring. “… I am so in love with him, Matt. You have no idea.”

Matt smiled warmly. “That’s so cute,” he teased.

“Shut up,” Benji said, laughing.

“I suppose you haven’t talked to him either?” Matt asked, reaching for his phone.

Benji froze. “Um, he’s probably sleeping.”

“It’s nine o’clock,” said Matt skeptically.

“It’s midnight on the east coast,” Benji pointed out, grateful he could utilize his math skills while half drunk. “His family is real strict.”

“Well, his mom isn’t reading his mail, is she?” Matt’s face lit up. “Write him and give him my number, and I will find a way to get a hold of you when he calls.”

“Okay, I will.” Benji’s face was starting to hurt from grinning so much. “Thanks, man. You’re great.”

“I’m great _and_ cool?” Matt teased. “Jules would be so proud.”

“I’m sure he would,” said Benji earnestly.

“Hey, what are you doing for Christmas?” Matt asked suddenly.

“You tell me,” said Benji. “According to my aunt, I might be living here.”

“Yeah, I kinda suggested it to my mom.” Matt scratched his ear and looked away. “Are you mad?”

“No,” said Benji. “But this makes whatever you’re planning for Christmas a little easier. ‘Cause I know you’re planning something.”

Matt smirked. “When you talk to your brother in the morning, tell him you’re coming home for Christmas.”

> _Chapter Eight, Part One – Paying in Naivety_

Benji didn’t talk to Joel the next morning. Nor any other time he called Paul’s house up until Christmas vacation. His mom still hadn’t given him a straight answer as to whether he could stay with Matt and Jill full-time or not, and he was starting to feel very apprehensive about their upcoming road trip to Maryland. There had been a few pleasant chats with Paul, but Joel was always out and Paul was very unaware of where he was.

“I think he’s avoiding me,” said Benji. “Maybe we shouldn’t go.”

“We’re going,” said Zacky, heaving another suitcase into the trunk of the Cadillac. “Jesus, M, must you bring so much shit?”

“We’re going to be gone for two weeks,” Matt replied.

“And we’re the gay ones,” Zacky mumbled to Brian, who was underneath the Cadillac changing the oil.

“I’m paying for this entire trip,” Matt declared, leaning purposefully against the driver’s side door. “Therefore, you two are my bitches.”

“As long as you put out,” came Brian’s muffled voice. “I’ve been wanting to tap that sweet ass for years.”

“Oh _really_?” said Zacky, slamming the trunk a little harder than what was necessary.

“Yeah _really_.”

Benji stood by Matt and watched the argument ensue. “I see why you wanted to bring them.”

“Like I said, they’re entertaining,” Matt replied. “Besides, we can drive straight through if there are four of us.”

Benji frowned. “I feel really weird about going up there without telling Joel first.”

“Maybe it’s better this way,” said Matt. “Maybe we should surprise him. Hell of a Christmas present, don’t you think?”

“I guess,” said Benji. “But my mother _cannot_ see me. Seriously.”

“This is where I come in.” Zacky grabbed the case he had placed on the floorboards of the backseat. “You know what’s in here, kid?”

Benji shook his head.

“ _Disguise_.” Zacky grinned manically and nodded.

“What kind of disguise?”

“Makeup,” said Matt, rolling his eyes and planting himself in the driver’s seat.

“ _Face paint_ ,” Zacky corrected, rolling his own red-shadowed eyes in annoyance. “And Brian can do something with your hair now that it’s grown out a bit.”

“You know what?” Brian said as he wheeled himself out from under the car. “We really are the gay ones.”

Zacky smirked. “At least you can say you gave M a lube job.”

“Har har,” said Matt. “Can we roll already? We have two days’ worth of driving ahead of us.”

“I haven’t slept yet, so I’ll pass out now and take the night shift,” said Brian, yawning.

“Guess that means you’re riding shotgun,” Matt said to Benji. “Let the lovebirds cuddle in the backseat. And that’s _all_ , you two, I mean it.”

“You are seriously fucked if you think I’m going two weeks without sex,” said Zacky.

“You’re not having it in my car,” said Matt firmly. “We can stop at a gas station and you can go behind a tree or something.”

“That is so romantic,” Brian scoffed as he sprawled out across the backseat. “Do me up against the tree, Zacky! Harder, harder!”

“You do realize you just compared me making love with my boyfriend to taking a piss, right?” Zacky folded his arms and stared at Matt expectantly.

Matt stared back. “Not. In. The. Car. Now get your fat ass in so we can go.”

“Your ass isn’t fat,” Brian replied automatically, already half asleep.

“I know, baby.” Zacky sat behind Matt and smiled when Brian laid his head in his lap. “He’s just a hater.”

Matt turned up the volume on the radio and drove down to the main road. Benji glanced behind him, wondering how Brian could possibly sleep with all of the noise.

“He could sleep through World War Three,” said Matt, rolling his eyes behind his sunglasses. “Comes in handy on road trips, though.”

Benji smiled politely and leaned back in his seat. He was going to need to take a nap also if they expected him to drive at all in the next forty hours. He and Brian had purposefully kept each other up the night before, talking about things like their families, Zacky, Matt, and Benji’s ‘boyfriend’.

Zacky and Brian had been more than ecstatic to discover that Benji liked boys after all, and they didn’t even mention the fact that he had lied to them – twice – about it. Instead, they had been eager to hear all about the mysterious guy, whom Benji wouldn’t name, much to Matt’s annoyance.

It wasn’t so much that Benji wouldn’t tell them his name, and at first he thought that Matt was actually starting to get disgusted at all the boy talk surrounding him on a daily basis. But as Christmas loomed closer, Matt became more irritable about everything, going as far as to get angry at Jimmy for spending too much time with his new girlfriend. He had apologized right away and Jimmy had forgiven him with a simple nod, but Benji had been wary of him ever since.

“Well, how would you feel?” Brian had said to him last night as they lay on the floor, surrounded by energy drinks and straining to keep their eyes open through the third chick flick in a row. “Zacky and I have each other, you have your long-distance boyfriend, Jimmy has Jacqueline, but who does Matt have?”

Benji had considered this. “You mean he’s just lonely?”

“It’s the holiday season,” Brian had replied. “Even people who are hell bent on being single – like Matt – are going to get a little emo this time of year.”

“What about Johnny?” Benji had asked. “I’ve never seen him with a girl.”

“That’s ’cause he’s not around a lot.” Brian had snorted. “Believe me, Johnny gets more ass than I do. His conquests usually leave before the sun rises, but it’s enough to keep him happy and Matt miserable.”

Benji thought about this as they cruised out of Orange County and began their journey across the country. If Matt was so miserable, why was he going out of his way to do this just so Benji could see his brother? Of course, he was probably under the pretense that Benji would run into his old flame while they were there, but Benji knew that it was more about Joel. It was like Matt was trying to live vicariously through him, reuniting Benji and Joel since he couldn’t be reunited with Julian. He didn’t think that was too healthy, but Matt was adamant about going.

Benji must have fallen asleep, because the sun was much brighter and hotter when he was shaken awake by someone. “Mmrph,” he mumbled, jabbing his shoulder against the intrusion. “‘sit my turn to drive?”

“We just have to move you to the backseat,” a quiet voice said. “It’s Zacky’s turn, and Brian wants to sit up front with him.”

“‘Kay.” Benji allowed Matt to help him out of the seat and more or less carry him around to the back. He immediately fell back asleep and vaguely realized that he was lying on his side, using a very firm denim substance as a pillow.

When he woke up again, there was no music blaring from the speakers, and the sun was going down. The car was moving, and two hushed voices were speaking from the front seats. If Benji strained enough, he could hear them.

“They’re so cute,” one voice said. “Brian, look at them.”

Benji was now fully awake and even more aware of the fact that his head was in Matt’s lap, his face buried in his stomach, while Matt had his head leaned all the way back against the head rest and his arm draped limply around Benji’s shoulder.

Benji had a horrible crick in his neck, but he decided to stay still and pretend to be asleep to see if Zacky and Brian said anything else.

“I can’t believe he hasn’t told him yet,” Brian whispered. “The kid more or less pours his heart out to him, and I know he would feel a lot better about himself if he knew.”

“It _is_ kind of an embarrassing story,” Zacky replied. “Even for us, and you know we have no shame.”

“Yeah, but we owe our whole relationship to that night. If that hadn’t happened, we would have never gotten together. Benji deserves to know the truth, even if it means knocking down whatever pedestal he has Matt standing on. Who knows, it might even make him respect him more.”

“It’s his story to tell, though.” Zacky sighed audibly. “Matt will tell him when he’s ready. And I’m not too sure Benji’s been completely honest with us either. Something doesn’t sit well with me about this ‘boyfriend’.”

“Yeah, me neither. But everything will come out in a few days, I’m sure. Why else do you think I agreed to come on this trip?”

“To give me road head,” Zacky said bluntly. “Now hurry before they wake up.”

“The kid’s been sleeping for like fourteen hours,” said Brian. “He could get up any minute.”

“Let him watch then. Maybe he’ll learn a thing or two.”

Benji groaned as loud as he could and made a big show of rolling over to face the front. “Ow,” he said, reaching to rub his aching neck.

“Told you,” Brian hissed before turning around in the passenger seat. “‘Morning, sunshine!”

Benji made a face, squinting against the harsh street lights whipping by. “Where are we?”

“Somewhere in Arizona, I think,” replied Zacky, glancing at him through the rearview.

Benji groaned again and tried to sit up without disturbing Matt. “Can you pull over? I need to piss something fierce.”

“You sure are crabby when you wake up,” Zacky noted, driving towards the shoulder of the freeway. “There’s a bunch of cacti over there. Be careful not to prick yourself.”

“Yeah, that wouldn’t be fun,” Benji mumbled, struggling to open the door and stagger far enough away from the freeway so that nobody would arrest him for indecent exposure. When he returned, Matt’s head had fallen to the right of the headrest in almost a ninety-degree angle to the rest of his body.

“That can’t be comfortable,” Benji said, shaking his head. “We should wake him up.”

“He’ll be fine,” said Zacky, who had handed the wheel over to Brian while Benji was gone. “He actually just fell asleep a little while ago, so he needs it. As do I. ‘Night, bitches.”

“‘Night, baby,” said Brian as he pulled back onto the road and continued driving. “And Benj, don’t think I’m ignoring you, but Zacky’s a really light sleeper so I’m gonna give it a bit before I talk to you.”

“It’s cool,” said Benji, yawning. “I could go back to sleep too.”

“Kind of boring, isn’t it?” mumbled Zacky.

“Road trips are overrated, I guess,” said Brian.

“They’re only fun in the movies,” Zacky added.

Brian reached over to push a lock of Zacky’s purple hair out of his face. “Go to sleep, my fallen emo angel.”

Zacky snorted and curled up in his seat.

Benji smiled and stretched in the backseat, wincing as he caught sight of the way Matt was sleeping. He wondered if he would wake up if he placed his head back on the headrest, but as Benji lifted his left arm to give it a try, Brian made a sharp turn and Matt’s head ended up falling off of the back of the seat completely, directly onto Benji’s shoulder.

He could have sworn he heard Brian chuckle from the driver’s seat, but he seemed to not even notice when Benji cast him an angry glance. Matt shifted in his sleep so that he was not only laying completely on Benji’s arm, but his own arm wrapped around Benji’s waist like he was a human pillow.

This time Brian couldn’t hold back his laughter. “Roll with it, kid,” was all he said.

“Are they making out yet?” Zacky said sleepily.

“Go to sleep,” Brian and Benji said together.

“All right, all right.” Zacky rustled around in his seat again, poked his head around the side, and looked at Benji through half-open eyes. “Aw.”

“He’s sleeping,” Benji said quietly. “He doesn’t know what he’s doing.”

“Believe me,” said Zacky even more quietly. “He knows _exactly_ what he’s doing.”

~*~*~*~

Luckily, Matt was still asleep when it was Benji’s turn to drive, and Benji couldn’t understand why Zacky and Brian were so amused by the fact that Matt – in his sleep – had chosen to squish himself against the window as opposed to anywhere near Zacky.

“He doesn’t want to cuddle with me,” Zacky said with a fake pout. “That makes me a sad panda.”

“Are you sure you’re okay with driving through the mountains?” Brian asked Benji, looking worried. “Matt figured you would be the most logical choice since you’ve actually driven in snow before.”

“I’ll be fine,” said Benji. He was completely wide awake and alert, moreso than any of the others. And he was secretly excited to finally be driving the Cadillac.

Zacky fell back asleep, purposefully laying his head in Matt’s lap, leaving Benji and Brian to entertain each other.

“The sun will be rising soon,” Benji thought out loud. “I bet it’ll be nice to see all the way up here.”

“Tennessee is really pretty,” replied Brian, staring out the window.

Neither spoke for the next two hours, mostly because Benji was concentrating on the twists and turns of the curvy highway as he drove through the Appalachian Mountains. He almost jerked the wheel and jumped out of the seat when he glanced in the rearview and saw Matt’s bright eyes staring back at him.

“Jesus, you scared the crap out of me,” said Benji, catching his breath.

“Brian,” Matt said calmly, his voice about two octaves lower than normal. “Your boyfriend has his face in my crotch.”

“As long as you don’t pop wood, we’re cool,” Brian replied with a smirk.

Matt took off his jacket, rolled it into a ball, and stuck it under Zacky’s head. He raised his arms up to the ceiling and stretched, almost knocking Zacky to the floor as his hips lifted off of the seat.

“Benj,” said Brian quietly. “You might want to pay attention to the road.”

“I am,” replied Benji, darting his eyes away from the rearview.

“Uh huh, sure.”

> _Chapter Eight, Part Two – Wishing To Be The Friction In (His) Jeans_

“Benji, wake up,” said Matt in a rushed voice. “We’re here! Look – ‘Welcome to Waldorf, Maryland’.”

“Holy shit,” said Zacky, pressing his nose towards the window. “This is where you grew up?”

Brian smacked him from the driver’s seat. “Not everyone’s parents are fucking politicians,” he hissed angrily.

“It’s okay,” said Benji sleepily, raising himself up from the rather tight ball he had been curled up in. “I know this place is a dump.”

“This car _smells_ like a dump,” Matt commented. “We all seriously need a shower.”

Benji looked at the nearest street sign. “There’s a Motel 6 on the next corner. It’s not the Hilton, but -”

“It’s fine,” said Matt. “I’ll even get Brian and Zacky their own room.”

Zacky’s face lit up. “Is it Christmas already?”

“Almost,” said Benji with a smile.

Zacky pulled into the Motel 6 parking lot and Matt went inside to get the room keys. He came back with three sets of keys, tossed one in the general direction of the front seat, and held the other out to Benji.

“I don’t know if you plan on seeing your boyfriend while you’re here,” he said, “but I got you your own room just in case.”

“Oh, okay,” said Benji, trying to decipher Matt’s facial expression and failing. “Thanks.”

“You’re welcome.”

Within an hour, Benji had showered and changed out of the clothes he had been wearing for two days. He sat on the edge of the single queen bed in Brian and Zacky’s room, looking at the pair of them like they were insane. “You want to do _what_ to my hair?”

Matt chose this moment to walk into the room, stopping dead in his tracks and almost dropping the McDonald’s bags when he saw Benji. “Jesus Christ,” he gasped.

“I hate you both,” said Benji, glaring at the two men standing before him.

“It’s not bad,” said Matt quickly. “It’s just… different.”

“Different in that I look like a clown,” muttered Benji.

“Did you let him look yet?” Matt asked Brian and Zacky.

Zacky shook his head. “He can’t look until we’re done. Brian’s about to cut his hair.”

“Why?” said Matt. “It looks fine. I thought you were growing it out anyways?”

Benji shrugged. “My aunt never took me to get it cut.”

“I would’ve taken you,” said Matt.

“I didn’t think about it.” Benji pulled a strand of his hair to see if it covered his eyes. It did.

“Hey,” said Brian. “You do realize we’re a group of guys sitting around talking about hair, right?”

“In our defense,” said Zacky, gesturing to himself and Brian. “We’re gay.” He stared hard at Matt. “What’s your excuse?”

“Eat me,” said Matt simply, hurling a salad-sized McDonald’s bag at him. “I should’ve had them put extra tomatoes on it so I could watch you break out in hives.”

“Come on, kid,” said Brian, pushing Benji off the bed. “Let’s cut your hair in the bathroom.”

Benji could hear Matt and Zacky arguing loudly even after closing the bathroom door. “What’s with them?”

“If I had to guess,” said Brian, studying Benji’s hair, “I’d say they’re both sexually frustrated. And probably tired, but more of the frustration.”

“Hmm,” said Benji thoughtfully.

Brian sprayed his hair with a water bottle and began combing through it. “You heard us in the car the other night, didn’t you?”

Benji glanced up at Brian through his wet hair. “Maybe.”

Brian smirked. “Trust me, nobody wakes up that crabby after sleeping in someone’s lap. Especially when that someone is a fine piece of work like Matt.”

“He’s all right,” said Benji noncommittally.

“Admit it, you think he’s smokin’ hot.”

Benji rolled his eyes. “He’s straight.”

Brian began taking the scissors to Benji’s hair. “What if he wasn’t? You don’t have to answer me – just think about it.”

Benji could have strangled Brian, because that’s all he could think about for the rest of his ‘makeover’, at least until he saw himself in the mirror for the first time since he got out of the shower.

“I look like a rock star,” he said out loud, watching his black-rimmed eyes grow wider. His hair was cut in different lengths and sticking straight up except in the front, where he now had bangs parted in the middle and framing his face, also in different lengths.

“Think your mother will recognize you?” asked Zacky smugly.

“I don’t recognize me,” said Benji, gaping at his reflection.

“Then our work is done,” Brian said, clapping his hands jovially.

“Are you and Matt done fighting?” Benji asked Zacky.

“Yeah,” said Zacky slowly. “I gave him something to think about, and now he’s being emo in his room.”

Benji raised an eyebrow. “Should I go talk to him?”

“If you want to eat,” answered Zacky. “He took your salad with him. I’m pretty sure he thought it was mine and was just trying to be an ass, but I didn’t have the heart to tell him.”

Benji shook his head and watched as his hair moved with him. “This is so going to piss my aunt off.” He grinned and left the room.

Matt was actually in Benji’s room, perched on the edge of the bed with his head in his hands. Benji’s mind flashed back to Thanksgiving, only this time Matt was in a sleeveless T-shirt and jeans. And sober. Fingering the gold cross hanging around his neck.

“Since when do you wear a cross?” Benji asked.

“Since always,” Matt replied without looking up. “You just never noticed.” He lifted his head and jerked slightly when he saw Benji. “Christ, they gave you emo bangs.”

“Yeah, I know.” Benji laughed and reached for the salad on the desk. “I kinda like it.”

“Dammit, is that your salad?” Matt shook his head. “I thought I took Zack’s.”

“He figured as much.” Benji lifted the lid off of the bowl, picked off the meat, and poured on the dressing. “What were you two fighting about, anyway?”

Matt sighed and flopped back on the bed, his eyes on the ceiling. “I need to tell you something, Benj, and you’re probably going to be mad at me.”

“You always think I’m mad at you,” said Benji. “Yet I never am. Talk.”

“All right.” Matt took a deep breath and began speaking very, very fast. “Zacky and Brian hooked up because the threeofusmessedaroundwhenIwasfifteen.”

Benji choked on his bite. “Are you serious?” he exclaimed through a mouthful of lettuce.

“See, it’s like this…” Matt brought his hands to his face and his entire body seemed to cringe. “I made the mistake of telling them that I, um… ever since Jules died, I couldn’t seem to… finish… you know, by myself.”

Benji abandoned his lunch and turned around to straddle the desk chair, suddenly very interested. “And?”

“ _And_ , being the good friends that they were, they offered to help me out.” Matt peeked through his hands. “And it worked.”

“And I’m supposed to be mad at you because..?”

“Dammit, Benji, I lied to you again.” Matt sat straight up and fixed his eyes on Benji. “I’m beginning to think that I turn into a pathological liar around you.”

“Why do you think that is?” Benji asked. “I mean, you can’t honestly think that I’m going to make fun of you. I’m nowhere near as intimidating as you are.”

Matt smiled. “That’s the point. You seem to think so highly of me, and nobody has really acted like that towards me before. I didn’t want to disappoint you.”

“You didn’t technically lie,” said Benji, thinking back to Thanksgiving again. “To me, anyways. I never came straight out and asked you. You actually lied to God, but that’s only if you really do like the peen. Do you?”

“I don’t know,” said Matt. “It was only that one time.”

“What about Val?” asked Benji. “Did she do it for you?”

Matt laughed. “The reason she cheated on me so much is because I wouldn’t – _couldn’t_ – fuck her. Zacky doesn’t even know that, and he never will.” Matt glared hard until Benji nodded quickly. “The truth is – and I swear to you, this is the honest-to-God truth – I am so goddamn confused between what is right as opposed to what feels right, who approves versus what matters, and where to draw the line. If that makes any sense.”

“You have no idea how much sense that makes,” said Benji slowly.

Matt sighed again. “Sometimes I wish I could go back to being fourteen. Life seemed so much easier then. It was just me and Julian and we were good Catholic kids. I was a fucking alter boy, for Christ’s sake. And Jules was in the choir. We swore we’d stay virgins until we were married, and when we did finally give it up, it would be to good Catholic girls who were either sisters or best friends, and we would live next door to each other and our kids would grow up together and we’d die old men warm in our beds.”

Benji smiled thoughtfully. “Joel and I used to talk like that too.”

“Does _he_ know about your boyfriend?” Matt asked suddenly. “He has to, right?”

“Um, yeah,” Benji answered slowly. “He’s not so okay with it, but he accepted it and even got used to it.”

“Why wasn’t he okay with it?” Matt frowned. “Is he more religious than you or something?”

“Actually, yeah,” said Benji. “We both were really hardcore Christian up until Dad left, and then Joel held onto his faith even more while I held onto… him.”

“Your boyfriend,” Matt clarified.

Benji hesitated. “Yeah.”

“You know if we run into him, you’re going to have to introduce us, and I’ll find out his name.” Matt grinned.

Benji shook his head and turned back to his salad. “I told you, his family goes to Florida for Christmas.”

“Still,” said Matt. “There might be a chance he didn’t go this year. Come on, hurry up and eat so you can show me around this town. I didn’t drive for two days to sit in a hotel room and pretend I’m in therapy.”

~*~*~*~

“… and there’s the ice-skating park where I fell flat on my ass and Jenny Duncan laughed at me. Joel threatened to beat her up and Mom yelled at him, and he claimed that it wasn’t the same as a boy hitting a girl since she was twice as big as he was…”

Benji vaguely noticed Brian and Zacky blatantly ignoring him in the backseat, preferring to pay attention to each other as opposed to Benji’s grand tour of Waldorf, but Matt was hanging on every word. He had insisted that Benji drive around the city to see if Joel happened to be out and about before bothering Paul and his family on Christmas Eve.

Matt’s Sidekick rang, interrupting Benji’s groan of anguish upon passing the local public high school. “Hello?” he answered in an odd voice, raising an eyebrow. “Oh, yes, he’s here. Hold on a minute.” He cupped the mouthpiece and looked at Benji with wide eyes. “It’s _your mom_.”

Zacky and Brian gasped in fake horror and covered their mouths to contain their laughter.

Benji pulled over to the side of the road and grabbed the phone. “Mom?”

“Benjamin, dear, I was hoping I could reach you at this number. Lynn said you were spending Christmas with your friend’s family and that this was the best way to reach you.”

“I-It is,” Benji said, shifting uncomfortably in his seat and glancing around nervously as though his mother was going to pop up any minute. “How are you?”

“I’m very well, thank you,” she replied briskly. “Are you outside? I’m getting a bit of static.”

“Yeah,” said Benji slowly. “We’re doing some last minute Christmas shopping.”

“Always like you, waiting until the last minute.” Robin Madden laughed lightly. “And how are you? Is Catholic school treating you well?”

“Very well,” Benji answered promptly. “I’m getting straight A’s and going on missions almost every weekend to help out the inner city kids.”

Zacky snorted very audibly from the backseat, and both Benji and Matt cast him a very nasty glare as Brian pulled him into a kiss, Benji supposed, to shut him up.

“That’s wonderful,” said Robin. “Your aunt has nothing but good things to tell me. This friend of yours sounds like a real winner, too.”

“Oh, he is,” said Benji, winking at Matt. “He’s an angel.”

Matt rolled his eyes and unceremoniously held up his middle finger.

“I’m sure you understand why I haven’t tried to contact you before now,” Robin went on. “I’ve just recently brought myself to forgive you. I figure if God hasn’t set you aflame yet, I can certainly make an effort to call you on Christmas Eve. Your present is in the mail, but don’t worry, I don’t expect anything from you. Your aunt told me that you’ve been too busy with schoolwork to get a job, and you straightening yourself out is the best present I could ever receive.”

Benji cringed. “I’m working hard, Mom. I really want to come home so we can be a family again.”

“Me too, honey.” Robin sighed. “I was actually going to let you talk to your brother, but he’s not here. It breaks my heart that I have to keep you two apart, you know.”

“Yeah,” said Benji. “Did he go over to Paul’s? May I call him there?”

“No, he’s out with a new friend, also doing some last-minute shopping.” Robin chuckled. “Even when you’re not together, it seems like you’re still doing the same things.”

Benji smiled. “Will you please tell him I miss him? I miss you too, of course, and Sarah.”

“I will tell them both,” said Robin. “I have to let you go now, but know that I love you and I hope to take you back with us at the end of the school year when we fly out for your graduation.”

“Can’t wait, Mom,” said Benji. “I love you too. ‘Bye.”

Benji pushed the ‘end’ button on the phone and stared at it. He looked up to see Matt, Brian, and Zacky staring at him. “What?”

“What did you do, Benji?” Matt said slowly. “I don’t think you _just_ got expelled for supposedly blowing up your principal. You did something else too.”

Benji sighed and leaned his head against the steering wheel. “My mom caught me with… that guy.”

Zacky whistled sympathetically.

“But why is your brother in trouble as well?” Matt persisted. “Why aren’t you allowed to talk to him? Why does your mother think that you’re a bad influence on him?”

“Because he knew about it,” said Benji simply. “Lying is like directly disobeying God, at least to my mom. She thinks I made him lie for me.”

“And she punished you both equally by sending you away,” said Matt.

“Yeah,” said Benji nervously, fidgeting with his hands. “Hey, she said he was out shopping, so do you think we could go look for him?”

Matt looked like he wanted to say something else, but seemed to change his mind. “Yeah, let’s go.”

Benji drove back onto the street and headed towards the one place where he knew Joel would be.

“Isn’t the mall the other way?” Brian asked. “I thought we passed by it earlier.”

“We did,” said Benji, grinning. “If Joel told Mom that he’s going shopping, he’s definitely not going to the mall.”

Matt glanced at him oddly from the passenger seat, but Benji was too excited to worry much about it. He hadn’t seen his twin in over four months, and he had to stop himself from speeding through the almost empty streets of Waldorf as he drove past the worn-down buildings towards the park by his mom’s house.

Wordlessly, Benji turned off the engine, tossed the keys to Matt, and hopped out of the car, running as fast as he could past the ratty welcome sign and the even rattier playground. He didn’t look back to see if anyone was following him; he didn’t care. All he knew was that Joel had to be on the other side of the hill, in the clearing between the trees where they used to go all the time whenever they told their mom that they were going ‘shopping’.

The sun disappeared completely as Benji reached the clearing, but he didn’t need more than the moonlight to see what was right in front of him. He stopped short, his breath caught in his throat, and he almost lost his balance as a pair of eyes identical to his own snapped up from where his equally as identical body was half dressed and lying directly on top of a girl Benji had never seen before.

“ _Benji_?”

> _Chapter Nine – The Best Part of “Believe” Is The “Lie”_

“Benji! Benjamin, don’t run away from me!”

It had been four months, but Benji still knew this park better than the back of his hands. He also knew, somewhere in the back of his mind, that Joel could still run faster than him. He reluctantly gave up and fell to his knees in front of an abandoned see-saw that looked like it would fall apart if anyone over twenty pounds sat on it.

Footsteps approached him, along with the sound of panting breath. Benji kept his head low, his hands folded in his lap like he was praying – and for all he knew, he probably should be – as he waited for whatever Joel had to say.

When he didn’t say anything, Benji looked up to see his twin kneeling in the exact same way right in front of him, staring at him with hurt eyes and a flushed face. “I’m sorry,” he said.

“Who is she,” Benji demanded, his voice croaky.

“Her name is Jeannie,” said Joel quickly. “She’s in college. We met at a football game. She likes me. I like her. I am so sorry.”

Benji nodded and started to get up. “No, I’m sorry for interrupting you.”

“Don’t leave,” Joel said quietly. “I don’t know why you’re here or how you got here, and I really don’t care. I miss you so much.”

Benji clung onto his brother as Joel threw his arms around him and hugged him tight. Joel pulled away first, resting his forehead against Benji’s. “You know I’ll always love you, right? You’re my brother, first and foremost. I just… I think Mom is right.”

“You do,” said Benji numbly.

“Yeah,” said Joel, grabbing Benji’s hands in his own. “What we did was wrong, and Mom was right to send you away. I’m sorry Aunt Lynn is so horrible to you, I really am, and I would switch places with you in a heartbeat if I could. I kept telling Mom that it was as much my fault as yours, but she wouldn’t believe me.”

“Yes, ’cause Angel Joel would never sin,” Benji said darkly.

“Something like that.” Joel glanced nervously up at Benji. “Do you hate me?”

“You know I could never hate you,” Benji said, dropping Joel’s hands abruptly and leaning back on his heels. “It’s just, I don’t know. I’ve been so fucking confused for the past four months -”

“Benji, don’t swear,” said Joel, gasping. “God is listening.”

Benji stared hard at his twin. “If God was really listening, he’d allow me to love you the way I want to – the way I know you want to, but you’re too scared to fight for it.”

“Fight _who_?” Joel asked. “Mom? The church? God Himself? It’s not worth it, Benj. We can still love each other without sinning. I think we were just really messed up after Dad left and paid more attention to what felt good than what was right.”

Matt’s words from earlier replayed in Benji’s mind. “And what is right, exactly?”

Joel sighed. “I don’t know, but what we were doing is _not it_.”

“You can honestly sit there and tell me that you don’t want to do it anymore?”

“Yes,” said Joel firmly. “I don’t want to do it anymore.”

Benji bit his lip. “All right then. Glad I spent two days driving out here to hear that.”

“Benji,” said Joel, grabbing Benji’s arm as he started to get up again. “Don’t leave it like this, please.”

“Go back to your girlfriend,” said Benji, shrugging him off. “I have to make sure I still have a ride back to California.”

“Why wouldn’t you?” asked Joel, horrified.

Benji looked above Joel’s head and saw Matt standing in the shadows with his arms folded, an indescribable expression on his face. “I have a lot of explaining to do.”

~*~*~*~

“Which one of you is more awake?”

Zacky detached his mouth from Brian’s and looked out the car window at where Matt had Benji by the arm. “Me, I think.”

Matt tossed him the keys. “You drive. We’re going home. Brian, you ride shotgun. Both of you keep your eyes to the front and turn up the music.”

“Any music we want?” Zacky asked happily.

Matt cringed. “Yes. If it’s that faggy techno shit, put it more towards the front speakers so my ears don’t bleed.”

“Awesome!” Zacky jumped over the console into the driver’s seat while Brian used the door, grinning at Benji as he walked by.

Benji didn’t return the smile as Matt pushed him into the backseat and sat next to him.

Zacky and Brian must have sensed that Matt wasn’t messing around, because really bad techno music instantly flooded the speakers and both he and Brian stared straight ahead as Zacky drove towards the freeway.

Benji looked helplessly up at Matt, not knowing what to expect. He wasn’t nearly as good at reading him as the other way around, but judging by the intense glare he was receiving, he had heard most of Benji and Joel’s conversation.

“Come here,” Matt said quietly, resting his hands on Benji’s shoulders.

“What?” said Benji, confused. “What are you doing?”

“I’m giving you a goddamn hug,” said Matt. “Because you need one. Don’t argue with me.”

Benji shook his head slightly, more in disbelief than anything else, and allowed himself to fall into Matt’s embrace. He rested his head on Matt’s broad shoulder and felt strong hands on his back, gripping his shoulder blades as he tightened his hold on him.

“I’m going to tell you a story unrelated to anything that’s happened today,” he whispered, making no effort to release Benji from the hug. “And you’re going to listen. Okay?”

“Okay,” said Benji. He was finding it very difficult not to let himself go and release his tangled mass of emotions into Matt’s shoulder. He hadn’t cried since he left Waldorf the first time, but for some reason he felt comfortable enough to do so now.

“As you know, my father died when I was fifteen,” Matt began, leaning his head against Benji’s. “He was driving home from the bar one night and crashed headfirst into a telephone pole. Very cliche drunk-driving wreck, like the ones they show you in Driver’s Ed to scar you forever, but there you go.”

Benji smiled despite the situation. He envied how Matt could talk about something so personal and still find a way to make jokes and keep the mood light. And he also smelled good.

“As far back as I can remember,” Matt went on, “my father always had a drink of some sort in his hand. He was loud and obnoxious, and he would embarrass the rest of us whenever we went anywhere, but he always got up to go to work in the morning and took care of his business so nobody thought he had a problem. That’s just what the outside world saw, anyways.

“Johnny was the first one to notice the bruises, one day when he wouldn’t take no for an answer when Jules and I claimed we didn’t want to go swimming. He was old enough to know that something was wrong and still young enough to go to his parents, who assured him that everything was fine, that we probably just fell down the stairs or play fought with each other a little too rough, that wonderful John Sanders would _never_ beat his kids. Julian and I never told him otherwise, but he always had a sinking suspicion, even though he didn’t voice his concerns to us directly.”

Matt inhaled sharply and hugged Benji even tighter; Benji got the feeling that it was as much for Matt as it was for him.

“My father beat the shit out of me nearly every day for ten years,” he said, his voice starting to waver. “He beat me more than Julian, ’cause Julian knew how to keep him happy. Julian was the athletic son, Julian was outgoing and smart and popular. Do you remember the first time I took you home and I almost told you what my father used to tell people about me?”

Benji nodded.

“He told them that I was a pussy,” Matt spat angrily. “He said I’d never be strong enough to do anything except let people walk all over me, and that he should have cut my dick off at birth and named me Matilda.”

Benji’s jaw dropped. He didn’t know what to say, but he didn’t think Matt wanted him to say anything at all. Instead, he wrapped both of his arms around Matt’s waist and returned the hug as hard as he could.

“He told me…” Matt gasped audibly, and Benji had the feeling that he was trying not to let his emotions get the best of him. “… He told me that he would make a man out of me if it was the last thing he did. He said he hit me because it made me stronger, and technically, he was right. It made me fucking hate him and go out of my way to _not_ please him. Julian tried so badly to help, but I didn’t see how joining the soccer team or becoming buddy-buddy with the ‘important’ people’s kids was going to help me become stronger. Kind of defeats the purpose if I’m just going to do those things because _he_ wants me to, you know?”

Matt paused for a long while, during which Benji didn’t dare move or speak. Finally, Matt buried his face into Benji’s shoulder and while his voice was muffled, Benji could hear him perfectly.

“Julian killed himself because he couldn’t stand to see me so broken. I walked into his room on Thanks-fucking-giving after a particularly painful beating over cutting the goddamn turkey, of all things, and saw him with Dad’s gun to his mouth. I tried to stop him, tried to tell him that I would cut the fucking turkey, join the soccer team, hang out with the snotty kids, climb the fucking rope in gym class or do whatever stupid shit would keep Dad from hitting me, and he said that he loved me and pulled the trigger. I watched his fucking brains splatter onto the pristine white wall as he slumped to the floor.

“Now, Johnny said he already told you this part, but you need to hear it from me. He lived next door and he was the only one home, so when he heard the gunshot he raced straight over, broke down our fucking door, and made it upstairs just in time to keep me from doing the only thing I would have regretted in my entire life.

“My parents were right behind him, and my father honestly thought that I had killed my fucking brother until Johnny shoved him up against the wall and told him what really happened. Johnny’s no match for my dad, but he knew better than to hit him ’cause then Johnny’s parents would know the truth, that he was a vile, despicable, poor excuse of a man. So instead, he called 911 for Julian and the men in white coats for me.

“I spent the rest of freshman year in the goddamn nut house on suicide watch. That’s why I’m a year behind. But honestly, it was the best seven months of my life up to that point. My father couldn’t hit me in front of all the doctors, you know. He could close the door and whisper angrily at me until he went blue in the face, which was actually rather amusing, but that was it. I don’t remember much of it ’cause they had me on all of these anti-depressants. They also had me in a straitjacket, because Dad had told them that I had given _myself_ all of those bruises, and those dumb assholes believed him. Of course, I didn’t bother to contradict him, mostly because I was fourteen and still gave a shit about my family’s reputation.

“Dad became more inventive that summer after I came home, finding random things around the house with which to beat me instead of just using his fists, because apparently that wasn’t good enough. _I_ embarrassed the family, he said. Nobody could mourn Julian properly because I had gone and stolen his glory by trying to do the same goddamn thing. I suppose it was only okay for Julian to do it because he’d succeeded, or because he was Dad’s favorite… whatever.

“His drinking got worse, as well as his relationship with my mother. He hit her _once_ , and too bad for him, I had worked out a little in the nut house and could hold my end in a fight. You want to see me ‘be a man’? Lay a _hand_ on my fucking mother. I threw him down the stairs and swung an end table at him, along with the antique vase that was on it. The cops arrested me for like a minute, until Mom told anyone who would listen that he had tripped on the stairs and landed on the table. In his drunkeness, of course.

“Word got around, mostly because one of Zacky’s lovely Catholic sisters was a nurse intern at that particular hospital. Nobody looked at Dad the same again, and even his job was threatening to lay him off for making the company look bad. He spent night after night in the bar, but guess what? He didn’t lay a fucking finger on my mom or me in the entire week between when I royally kicked his ass and when he just as royally crashed his precious Mercedes into the telephone pole. I didn’t go to his funeral, and I hope he rots in Hell. The end.”

Matt pulled away abruptly and lifted the collar of his shirt to wipe his face. “I told you all of that for a reason,” he said, looking at Benji with glistening eyes. “Whatever happened between you and your brother can’t possibly be as bad as that, and if I can tell you that, you can tell me anything.”

“I-I think you already know,” said Benji shakily.

“Yeah, probably,” said Matt. “But I want to hear it from you.”

“It’s a long story,” said Benji.

“We’ve got thirty-nine hours.” Matt leaned back and put his arm around Benji, pulling him close. “Start talking.”

> _Chapter Ten – You Better Lie Down ‘Cause The Angels Are Watching_

“Are you sure it’s open this late?” Benji asked skeptically.

“Catholic churches are always open,” said Zacky. “Kind of like 7-Eleven. Or -” He looked over at Matt and stopped short.

“Go ahead,” said Matt. “Say it.”

“Or like M’s mom.”

Matt smiled. “Do you feel better?”

“Not really,” said Zacky, turning to look at Benji. “What did you do to him back there? Suck the anger right out through his cock?”

Matt crossed his arms and smirked. “What you _should_ be worrying about is how you and Brian are going to spend the hour while we pray.”

Zacky glanced down at where Brian was curled up in his lap. “He’s sleeping.”

“I’d wake him up if I were you,” said Matt. “We’ll be gone for an hour, and keep it down – this _is_ a church.” He slapped the top of the car twice before striding off towards the front doors.

Benji caught Zacky staring after Matt in disbelief before he turned and followed him up the steps. He stood back as Matt opened the double doors and watched carefully as he crossed his forehead with the Holy Water and walked purposefully down the aisle. Four months at a Catholic school and Benji still didn’t have the entire procedure down.

He made the sign of the cross and knelt next to Matt at the railing in front of the alter, lowering his eyes to the floor. He saw the shadows from the flickering candles dancing across the tile. “This is kind of creepy,” he whispered.

Matt snorted. “Yeah, I know. It’s okay, though. We’re in some hick town in North Carolina. I doubt anyone will be here this late.”

Benji chanced a side glance. “Why are we here again?”

“We’re going to play a game,” said Matt softly. “It’s called ‘Confession’.”

Benji laughed quietly. “Okay. Why did we have to come to a church for this?”

“Because it’s almost impossible to lie in a church,” said Matt. “Fact.”

“All right,” said Benji. “Who goes first?”

“I will.” Matt looked upwards, biting his lip ring in thought – or anxiety; Benji couldn’t decide which. “I wasn’t expelled. I went to the Ass- St. Francis ’cause I wanted to. All four years, and yes, I did the mission thing when I was a freshman. It was enlightening, to say the least. Your turn.”

“I wasn’t expelled either,” said Benji. “But you already knew that.”

Matt nodded. “Yeah I did. Go again.”

“Um…” Benji thought hard. “That’s it, really. Unless you want to hear about how I stole Joel’s shoes when we were thirteen and buried them in the backyard because they were hideous.”

Matt laughed out loud, tossing his head back. “That counts, I guess.” He inhaled sharply. “Okay. I only went out with Valerie to prove to myself that I was straight.” He paused. “It didn’t work.”

“I thought of another one,” Benji said nervously. “When you were sleeping on the way here, your head fell on my shoulder and you put your arm around me and I think I kinda liked it.”

“I know.” Matt hovered his hand over Benji’s, as though testing the waters. “I woke up for a minute and I think I kinda liked it too.”

Benji lifted his fingers to lightly graze Matt’s. “I know deep down that Joel is probably right. We only did what we did because we were lonely and sad after Dad left, and we needed to feel happy and alive again. It might take me awhile to adjust to thinking of him as my twin again, but when you think about it, that’s better than anything else we could ever be.”

“It really is.” Matt lowered his hand completely and intertwined their fingers together. “I think you’re a little sick for it, but I wouldn’t be opposed to letting Zacky and Brian work their magic on your brother so I could have two Benjis on either side of me.”

Benji gasped. “Matt!”

Matt flushed red and wouldn’t meet his gaze. “What? We’re being honest!”

Benji clutched his face with his free hand. “I can’t believe you said that. In a church, even.”

“God knows we have impure thoughts,” said Matt. “He _made_ us this way. As long as we don’t act on them, it’s okay.”

“You want impure thoughts?” Benji lowered his hand to turn Matt’s face towards him, staring hard into his eyes. “The pizza guy wasn’t the only one staring at your crotch that day in the pool.”

“Knew that too.” Matt grinned. “I told you, you’re very obvious.”

“Your turn,” said Benji, shaking with anticipation, “and make it good.”

Instead of speaking, Matt grabbed Benji by the collar and kissed him. Benji felt the ball of Matt’s lip ring brush against the corner of his mouth as he ran his tongue lightly along Matt’s bottom lip and raised his hand to cup Matt’s jaw.

Matt pulled away slowly, his lips still slightly parted. His eyes fluttered open and he regarded Benji with the most adoring look he had ever received in his life. Exhaling deeply, Matt tilted his head into Benji’s touch, smiling when Benji swept over his dimple with the pad of his thumb. “Your turn,” he whispered.

“I thought we weren’t supposed to act upon them?” Benji whispered back.

“Kissing isn’t a sin.” Matt smirked. “And everything else just has to wait until we’re not in a church.”

Benji returned his hand to his lap, using both of them to hold Matt’s. “I don’t really know what I’m doing.”

“You’ve done it before,” said Matt.

“Yeah, and I fu- messed it up.”

Matt frowned. “You know more than I do. All I know is what I’ve seen from being around Zacky and Brian.”

Benji laughed. “They are going to love this.”

“Why do you think I let them use my car?” Matt said, laughing with him. “They’ll be too sated to say ‘I told you so’.”

“They told you so too?” Benji asked amusedly.

“They told me so _first_ ,” Matt clarified.

“Of course.” Benji smiled shyly up at Matt. “So do I have to waste my turn telling you how hot I think you are, or can I just kiss you again?”

“You can just kiss me again,” said Matt, “’cause I knew that too.”

Benji leaned in, and just before their lips touched, Matt whispered, “Merry Christmas, Benji.”

~*~*~*~

“I. Told. You. _So_!”

Zacky and Brian beamed proudly from the backseat.

“Feel better?” Matt asked, lowering his sunglasses to glance in the rearview.

“Much, thanks,” said Zacky. “But more importantly, how did _God_ take the news?”

“I think He’d strike you two with lightening before us,” said Benji. “We weren’t the ones fornicating in His parking lot.”

“There was no fornication,” said Brian. “I was too tired.”

“And I didn’t want to be struck by lightening,” Zacky added, looking nervously towards the ceiling.

Matt sighed contently as he gripped the steering wheel with one hand and held Benji’s with the other. “We’re a bunch of fucking clichés, you guys know this.”

“Poor Jimmy,” said Zacky suddenly. “He’s now down to _one_ straight role model.”

“Hey, I still like girls,” said Benji defensively. “I just like Matt too.”

“Just a side effect to the initial shock,” said Zacky, reaching over the seat to pet Benji’s head. “It’ll clear up in a few days.”

“Is this where you give us tips on being gay?” Matt teased.

“I can, if you want.” Zacky’s grin was positively evil.

“I think I’ve got _that_ part down,” said Benji.

Brian shook his head. “I still can’t believe you did your brother. That is so _hot_.”

Matt craned his neck around to gape at him. “Are you serious?”

“Yeah huh,” said Brian. “If I had known that when you two went in that church, there would have been at least three strikes of lightening going through the roof of this car.”

“What’s so hot about it?” said Matt. “They’re _twins_.”

“Exactly,” replied Zacky and Brian together. “You just don’t think it’s hot ’cause you’re a twin too,” added Zacky. “It’s cool. To each his own.”

Matt shook his head. “No offense, Benj, but you know I’ve had some pretty heavy shit happen to me and I never, _ever_ thought about Jules like that.”

Benji shrugged. “I’m surprised you’re even speaking to me, so you can think whatever you want.”

“Really?” said Matt. “You thought I would be disgusted with you?”

“Worse,” said Benji. “I thought you’d leave me in Maryland.”

Matt frowned. “I wouldn’t do that to you. Besides, I had a feeling something like that was going on before we even left.”

“Do you know everything?” Benji asked incredulously.

“He likes to think he does,” said Zacky. “But really, the kid doesn’t know shit.”

“I know that Benji should keep wearing eyeliner ’cause it’s fucking sexy,” said Matt, squeezing Benji’s hand.

“Really?” said Benji, grinning uncontrollably. “You like it?”

“Are we this cheesy?” Brian asked Zacky.

“Yes,” Matt and Benji replied together.

“We really are,” added Zacky.

~*~*~*~

“I don’t know if we should leave you two alone together,” Zacky said seriously, standing in the doorway with his arms folded. “If I hadn’t been sleeping in a car for the past week, I would consider sticking around to make sure your hands stay above the equator.”

“My mom is home,” Matt said in a fake cheerful voice. “She can be, like, our chaperone.”

“Okay, I do not talk like that.” Zacky turned to Brian. “Do I talk like that?”

“A little,” Brian admitted. “I love you?”

Zacky growled in irritation. “I love you too, fucker.”

“Aw,” said Matt and Benji together.

“I liked them better before,” said Zacky.

“Go home, crabass,” said Matt. “I’ll be a good boy, I promise.”

“It’s in your best interest,” Zacky insisted. “Brian and I didn’t go all the way for a year and a half.”

“That’s because he was sixteen,” said Matt.

“Benji is seventeen.”

“Oh, yeah.” Matt turned to Benji. “When do you turn eighteen again?”

“March,” Benji replied. “And I don’t think that law applies to guys anyways.”

“Think of the _children_ ,” Zacky pretended to beg. “They would be too hot for their own good.”

“ _Go_ ,” said Matt, physically pushing Zacky out the door. “Brian? Can you keep him out of our business for a few weeks?”

“Aye-aye, captain,” said Brian, grabbing Zacky by the arm. “Come on, babe. Let’s go home and break the bed thinking about hot twins.”

“Again?”

Matt closed the door behind them and fell against it. “Might as well get this over with.” He took a breath. “Mom!”

Jill appeared at the top of the stairs in her bathrobe. “Honey, you’re home early! How was your trip? Did Benji get to see his brother?”

“Fine, yeah, and I’m gay,” answered Matt. “With Benji.”

Jill smiled. “About time. Your presents are under the tree. I have an early day tomorrow, so forgive me for not watching you open them.”

“Busy time of year at the office,” Matt whispered to Benji with a wink before racing towards the giant Christmas tree that stood the entire sixteen feet of the living room.

Benji sat on the couch and watched as Matt opened box after box of clothes, DVDs, and miscellaneous items for his car. “I always tell her to just give me money,” he said, “but she seems to think it’s more personal to actually buy me stuff.”

“Must be horrible,” Benji said with a grin.

Matt rolled his eyes and tossed him a box. “She got you something too.”

Benji looked at the gift and turned it around in his hands. “What could your mother have possibly bought for me?”

“If it’s a free pass to her shop, she’ll be sorely disappointed,” Matt scoffed.

Benji laughed as he tore off the wrapping paper. Inside was a bunch of crumpled-up colored tissue paper and a card with an angel on it. He opened it up and read to himself.

_Dear Benji,_

_I can’t thank you enough for coming into our lives. Matthew really needed a special friend, and you’ve been nothing less to him since he met you. I know that he’s been keeping things from you in hopes that you will look up to him, and I also know that you don’t really give a shit about what happened in the past. No matter what your aunt may say about you, know that you really are an angel, at least in my eyes._

_Merry Christmas,  
Jill_

_P.S. Tell Matthew to buy you something nice. I had no idea what to get for you._

“What did she say?” Matt asked.

Benji grinned down at him. “She said I’m an angel and you’re supposed to spoil me.”

Matt put one hand on either side of Benji’s knees and lifted himself up to face Benji directly. “I can do that. What do you want?”

Benji scooted up so that Matt was kneeling between his legs. “You.”

“What else?”

“You.”

“And then?”

“You.”

“… Okay.”

> _Chapter Eleven – Chasing Shallow Dreams_

“Jesus Christ,” said Matt, flopping unceremoniously on the bench next to Benji and glancing oddly at the statue of Jesus in front of them before continuing. “My brain feels like it’s about to explode.”

“I am so glad mid-terms are _over_ ,” Benji added, rubbing his temples and leaning against Matt.

“My mom called me during my Geometry test,” said Matt suddenly. Benji looked up at him, frowning. “It was actually a blessing in disguise, ’cause I was really stuck on this question and going outside for a minute helped me to think of the answer.”

“What did she want?” Benji asked carefully.

“To tell me that an isosceles triangle has two equal sides.” Matt snorted. “And your aunt called her this morning and asked if we could all swing by after school for a minute.”

“She _asked_?” Benji repeated incredulously.

“Yeah, Mom was surprised too,” said Matt. “She made arrangements to take off work tonight and drive us over in the Jag.”

“Maybe my mom’s finally made her decision about whether I can stay with you or not,” said Benji hopefully. “She’s been on the fence about it since Aunt Lynn first asked her.”

“It doesn’t really matter either way,” said Matt. “When you turn eighteen you can live wherever you want.”

“Yeah,” said Benji. “But it’s nice to have my family’s blessing.”

Matt tossed him the keys to the Cadillac. “You drive. My eyes hurt from filling in all those bubbles.”

Benji grinned. “Okay.”

A half hour later, Benji pulled into the driveway and saw Jill standing nonchalantly against her car, an indifferent expression on her face. “Do I look okay?”

Matt studied his mother’s appearance, nodding approvingly at her conservative sundress and low heels. “You look fine, Mom.”

Benji smiled about how nervous Jill was about finally meeting his aunt. He was honestly surprised that they had waited this long, what with all of the weekend ‘missions’ and, of course, Christmas vacation.

“She thinks your father’s still alive, right?” Jill asked anxiously, smoothing the front of her dress down past her knees. “I had to dig to find my wedding ring, but it still fits.”

“Maybe we should just tell her the truth,” said Benji, shrugging. “I don’t know about you,” he added, looking at Matt, “but I’m really tired of all the lies.”

“Does this mean I can leave my lip ring in?” Matt asked.

“Yes,” said Benji firmly. “And Jill, wear whatever you want.”

“I’m already dressed,” she said. “Let’s get on the road – we can figure out our stories on the way.”

~*~*~*~

“Who’s car is that?” Matt asked curiously, pointing to the green sedan next to Aunt Lynn’s Beamer.

“I-I don’t know,” said Benji.

“Maybe it’s yours,” said Jill, smiling. “Early birthday present?”

“I don’t think so,” said Benji, squinting to look at a sticker on the trunk. “It’s a rental car.”

“Expecting company?” asked Jill. “Other than us, I mean.”

Benji shook his head as they got out of the car and headed up the walk. “I have no idea.”

He tentatively turned the knob and pushed the door open, not knowing what to expect. Seeing his twin brother fly at him, though, was nowhere near the top of the list.

“Benji!” squealed Joel, throwing his arms around his twin and almost smashing him against the wall. “Surprise!”

Benji slowly returned the hug, glancing at where his mother stood next to Aunt Lynn. She was smiling, albeit a bit worriedly.

“What are you doing here?” Benji asked, carefully pushing Joel away from him.

“Surprising you,” said Joel, his face falling. “I thought you’d be happy to see me.”

“I am!” insisted Benji. “I… just… you and Mom flew all the way out here just to see me?”

“Well, she has an ulterior motive,” Joel said, “one to which I’m not terribly opposed.”

“Why don’t we sit down?” Aunt Lynn suggested brightly, walking towards Jill. “You must be Matthew’s mother. Such a pleasure to finally meet you.”

“I’m sorry,” said Benji quickly, escaping from Joel’s embrace and stepping forward. “Mom and Aunt Lynn, this is Jill Sanders. Jill, this is Robin Madden and Lynn Combs.”

Matt leaned casually against the front door, playing with his lip ring.

“And that’s Matt,” Benji added needlessly.

Robin shook Matt’s hand. “You know, Joel has been bugging me about a face piercing. Are they safe?”

Matt looked quite taken aback, but nodded. “Yes, as long as you take care of them. I have a friend who can do it – he’s licensed and everything – if you plan on sticking around until Sunday.”

“We were actually planning on it,” said Robin, turning to Joel. “Let me think about it,” she said to the younger twin.

Benji tried to hide his shock. “You’re going to let him get his face pierced?”

Robin sighed and gestured for them all to sit. “You two are almost eighteen now, which is why we’re here.” She looked fondly at Matt, then Benji. “As far as the piercing goes, it’s what all the kids are doing now, and far be it for me to deny anything they would allow in a Catholic school. You _do_ go to St. Francis, right Matt?”

Matt nodded. “Yes, ma’am.” He lifted up his blazer for good measure.

Joel sat next to Benji with an excited grin on his face. Benji tried not to show his apprehension as his mother turned her attention to her sons.

“As far as your living situation,” Robin said to Benji, “I know you are no longer obligated to listen to me or your aunt once you turn eighteen. All I ask is that if you’re going to try and come back to Waldorf, do it now so that it doesn’t mess with your schooling.”

Benji couldn’t believe his ears. “You’re letting me come home early?”

“I know this is a hard decision for you to make, Benjamin,” his mom continued. “Especially since you have made so many friends here. Know that you are welcome back in our house whether you choose to come home this weekend or the end of the year, but please, _please_ think of your education first.”

Benji gaped at her. “I… Do I have to decide now?”

Robin shook her head. “No, honey, you have until Sunday.” She pulled an airplane ticket out of her purse and slid it across the coffee table. “Should you choose to use it, our flight leaves at two.”

Benji glanced helplessly at Matt, but Matt simply shrugged. Benji had never before been so irritated that he couldn’t read Matt’s expression.

“Do you two have another mission this weekend?” Robin asked suddenly. “If so, maybe you could bring Joel along?”

“No,” said Benji quickly. “They’re giving us a break to recover from our mid-terms.”

“The boys were going to have a little get-together to celebrate,” spoke up Jill. “Joel is welcome to come stay, of course. I’ll have them both back first thing Sunday morning.”

“Sounds good,” said Robin, smiling. “Lynn and I were going to do some shopping and other things which I’m sure would bore the twins to death.” She looked gratefully at Jill. “I can’t thank you enough for taking care of my son. You and your family have been a wonderful influence on him.”

“He’s been a wonderful influence as well,” replied Jill, and Benji remembered her Christmas card. “We’re happy to have him around, and we’ll be sad to see him leave.”

Benji tried to catch Matt’s eye, but Matt wouldn’t meet his stare.

~*~*~*~

“What is there to think about?” Joel demanded. “Mom forgives you. I miss you. Sarah misses you. Come home.”

Benji sighed and pushed the door open to go into Matt’s backyard, Joel right on his heels. “Can we not discuss this right now?”

“Can I give my two cents?” Zacky asked, looking up at them from the pool. Without waiting for an answer, he added, “I think you should go.”

“Me too,” said Brian.

Jimmy nodded as well.

“You don’t care what we think, though,” Zacky said with a wink. “And for what it’s worth, Matt thinks you should go too.”

“How do you know that?” said Benji angrily. “He hasn’t come out of his room since we got here.”

“Because I know him, tardass,” replied Zacky. “He would never want to come between you and your brother, except, you know, in the Bibical sense.”

Benji and Joel made identical faces of disgust as they sat down on a lounge chair.

“They really are twins!” Brian exclaimed. “Matt and Julian used to do the same thing. Drove us fucking crazy.”

“Who’s Julian?” Joel asked.

Zacky and Brian’s heads swiveled towards Benji. “You didn’t tell him?” gasped Zacky.

“Haven’t exactly had time, have I?” Benji shot back. “Joel, Julian is Matt’s twin brother who committed suicide four years ago.”

“Oh, my God,” said Joel, clasping his hands to his mouth. “That’s horrible.”

“It’s a long story,” said Benji, “one which I’m not going to tell you ’cause it’s his business.”

“I understand,” said Joel, nodding rapidly. “Oh, God. I can’t even… Oh, God.”

“Yeah,” said Benji slowly. “I know.”

Zacky cleared his throat importantly. “You know, Benj, you should really let Johnny ink you a bit before you leave. You’re close enough to eighteen that I’m sure he could get away with doing it in the shop.”

“I have much more pressing things on my mind than getting a tattoo,” Benji said darkly. “But thanks for the thought.”

Zacky nodded and automatically put his arm around Brian, who had swum up to him. “Are you going to be emo all weekend?”

“Probably, yeah,” said Benji shortly.

Joel studied Zacky and Brian contemptuously. “Are you two together?”

“Yeah they are,” said Benji, much angrier than he meant to. “And so are Matt and me, and you need to be okay with that.”

Joel looked shocked and then hurt. “You know I am.” He glanced above Benji’s head and smiled. “Hey, Matt. Thanks for letting me stay the weekend.”

Benji snapped his head around, only to come face-to-crotch with his shirtless boyfriend. “No prob, kid. Benj, can I talk to you for a minute?”

Benji looked up and warily met his eyes. “Yeah, sure.”

Matt led the way through a side door that Benji had never seen before and ended up in Jill’s office. Matt settled himself in the large leather chair and motioned for Benji to sit on the other side of the desk.

“Under absolutely no circumstances,” Matt said firmly, “do I want you to make your decision solely based on me.”

Benji nodded.

“I’m serious,” continued Matt. “If you want to go home, do it without any regrets. Don’t forget that I have no problem flying out to see you over the summer, on spring break, or whenever I don’t have school.”

“I like it here,” Benji insisted. “I like California. I like the kids we go to school with. I don’t know if I want to go back to the way it was before.”

“Your brother has been doing it by himself for an entire semester,” Matt pointed out. “And if it makes you feel any better, if the situation was reversed, I’d leave you without a second thought.”

Benji frowned. “Really?”

“Yes,” said Matt, softening his tone. “You accused Joel of not fighting for you, but it’s obvious that he has been the entire time. You owe it to him to do your part.”

Benji shook his head. “We’re not going to -”

“I know,” Matt cut him off. “It’s not about that, and if you think about it, it never was.”

~*~*~*~

Johnny folded his arms and grinned at Benji as Joel admired his new eyebrow ring in the mirror. “Come on, kid, you can’t leave without letting me ink you _once_.”

Joel grabbed Benji’s arm, bouncing excitedly. “I’ll get one with you, Benj. It’ll be fun.”

Matt smirked from the corner of the small room. “Two for the price of one, Johnny?”

“Sure, whatever.” Johnny rolled his eyes. “You have any idea what you want?”

“Something meaningful, I’d think,” said Joel, glancing at his twin.

Johnny scoffed. “They all say that, then walk out of here with fucking butterflies on their asses or something.”

Joel laughed. “No butterflies for me, thanks.”

“You could get a Chinese symbol,” suggested Johnny. “They’re popular these days, although half the kids don’t know what they mean. Or a flag or something.”

“Let’s get an Irish flag,” said Joel. “Mom will like that.”

“I never thought Mom would approve of us getting tattoos,” said Benji.

Joel smiled. “I’ve been working on her.”

Matt shot Benji a knowing look from across the room.

“Okay, Irish flag it is,” said Benji. “Where does it hurt the least?”

Johnny laughed. “Your arm. Since when are you such a baby?”

“Since you’re going to be poking me with needles,” Benji replied.

“It only hurts if you want it to,” said Johnny, smirking. “Hop up, I’ll do you first.”

~*~*~*~

“We’ll definitely come visit you,” said Zacky, crushing Benji in a hug.

“Although I think we’ll fly this time,” added Brian.

“Thanks for everything, you guys,” said Benji appreciatively, turning to hug Brian. “These past five months have been… something else.”

“I’ll say,” said Zacky, grinning. “Take care of yourself up there, kid, and don’t forget about our boy Matt.”

“Never,” said Benji seriously. “Where is he, anyways?”

“I think he already said his good-bye last night,” said Brian with a wink. “We only came over because Jimmy has something he wants to say to you.”

Benji raised an eyebrow and looked up to the long-haired kid who had grown about a foot since he had first met him. “Yeah?”

Jimmy smiled shyly and regarded Benji with nervous eyes. “Thanks,” he said, his voice surprisingly low.

“For what?” Benji asked, wondering what he could have possibly done to warrant Jimmy actually speaking.

“For restoring Matt’s faith in God.”

> _Epilogue, Part One – What a Wonderful Caricature of Intimacy_

“Hey, look who’s back!” A burly blonde kid slapped Benji on the shoulder and grabbed his brownie from his lunch tray. “How cute, the fag twins have been reunited at last.”

“How old is your girlfriend again?” Joel asked the kid, snatching his brother’s brownie back. “Oh wait, you don’t have one. Later.”

Benji stared after Joel in awe as they headed to where Paul was sitting in the cafeteria. “What the hell happened while I was gone?” he asked incredulously, gratefully accepting the brownie from his twin.

“Joel’s balls dropped,” Paul replied with a smirk. “I take full credit for that. You’re welcome.”

Joel rolled his eyes. “I took Jeannie to the Christmas dance and now everyone thinks I’m a stud.” He grinned. “Because she’s _hot_.”

Paul looked helplessly at Benji. “Knock his ego down a peg or two, will you?”

“No way,” said Benji, shaking his head. “I like seeing him happy.”

“I’m right here, you know,” said Joel.

“We know,” said Paul, turning to Benji. “So tell me about this Matt kid. Is he cooler than me?”

“Tons,” replied Benji. “He puts you to shame.”

“He really does,” added Joel.

“Does he drive a better car than me?” Paul asked, looking only mildly offended. “Does he have a better ass than me? Is he a better kisser than me?”

Benji snorted into his chocolate milk. “Yes to all three. Sorry, man.”

“Eh, I’ll live,” said Paul. “You were a shitty kisser anyways.”

Benji rolled his eyes. “Matt didn’t have any complaints.”

“I’m sure he didn’t,” said Joel with a smirk.

“Excuse me,” said a girl who wore two much makeup and too short of a skirt. “Did I just hear you say you kissed a boy?”

Benji turned around to face her. He vaguely remembered her as one of the biggest gossip queens in the school. “Yeah, you did, and he’s smokin’ hot and could probably beat up every guy in this school. Spread it around, will you? Saves me from having to announce it over the P.A.”

The girl looked elated and skipped off. Joel put his head in his hands. “Was that really necessary, Benj?”

“Yes,” said Benji, smiling in satisfaction. “It really was.”

~*~*~*~

Benji winced as Joel held the ice pack to his eye. “Now I feel like I’m at home,” he said with a laugh.

“And what a nice homecoming it was,” said Joel sarcastically, “getting your ass kicked on your first day back.”

“Don’t swear, Joel,” Benji mocked.

Joel rolled his eyes and pressed the ice pack harder. “I have to go to work. Are you gonna be okay?”

“I’ll be fine,” said Benji, grabbing the ice pack and moving it to his lip. “If Mom asks, I’ll leave you out of it.”

Joel grinned. “Thanks. I just hope she believes I got this black eye from something random falling on me from the top shelf.”

“You could tell her Sarah punched you and she would believe you,” Benji scoffed.

“I heard that,” said a small female voice. “And I really could punch you, you know.”

“Violence is wrong,” said Benji and Joel together. “And if anybody ever hits you,” added Benji. “We’ll kill them.”

Sarah rolled her heavily penciled eyes and grabbed her books from the table. “I’m going to Ashley’s to study. Mom knows.”

“‘Kay,” said Benji, rubbing his head. “Have fun.”

“Always do.” Sarah smirked and disappeared through the back door.

“You know,” said Joel. “I get the feeling that she and Ashley are more than friends.”

Benji snorted. “What is wrong with this family?”

~*~*~*~

“Hey Danny,” Benji called down the aisle to where a skinny kid was helping him stock shelves. “Do you remember the Quadratic Equation?”

Danny pushed a box of laundry soap into its spot and regarded Benji oddly. “I don’t think I ever knew it to begin with.”

“Damn.” Benji uncovered the mouthpiece on his new Sidekick. “Yeah, I don’t remember it. I didn’t think they taught that in Geometry?”

“They don’t.” Matt’s voice sounded amused over the line. “I was just seeing how nerdy you really are.”

“Asshole,” said Benji affectionately. “How is everyone?”

“Crabby,” answered Matt. “Zacky’s fighting with Brian because one of his sisters is getting married and he can’t bring Brian to the wedding, blah blah, drama. Some girl told Johnny that she’s pregnant, but nobody believes it’s really his. Jimmy hasn’t shut up since you left, and he’s actually getting in trouble for speaking out in class, if you can believe it. And Mom is on my ass about college.”

“So everything’s normal then,” said Benji.

Matt laughed. “Pretty much. Are there any good schools up there?”

Benji frowned. “U of M isn’t too bad, but don’t move all the way out here just to live by me. We plan on getting out of this town eventually.”

“Where do you want to go?” asked Matt.

“Where do you think?” Benji grinned. “Back to Cali.”

Matt paused. “You bringing Joel with you?”

“Of course,” replied Benji. “He loved it out there. We just have to figure out how to get good enough jobs to afford the rent.”

“Like I’d make you work,” said Matt. “Hell, if you both go to college out here, my mom would probably support all three of us. She’s suddenly all about education and doing something with your life. It’s your mom’s influence, you know. I have a damn curfew now.”

Benji laughed. “You’re welcome. Listen, I have to work. Thanks again for my early birthday present.”

“No problem,” said Matt dismissively. “I have to have a way to talk to you since you’re never home.”

Benji fingered the plastic strap on the top of the soap box. “I miss you.”

“I miss you too,” said Matt quietly. “Tell Joel I said hi and I’ll call you sometime this weekend.”

“‘Kay,” said Benji. “‘Bye.”

“‘Bye.” Matt paused. “I love you.”

~*~*~*~

Benji entered the room he shared with Joel and flopped onto his bed, burying his face into the pillow. “I don’t want to move for forty-eight hours.”

Joel snorted. “That brutal?”

Benji rolled over to face him. “I unloaded like four trucks today. Then some asshole customer took forty-five minutes to decide what kind of bike she wanted to buy her kid, which of course meant I had to take damn near all of them down from the ceiling and hang them back up after she left.”

“Did she buy one?” Joel asked.

“Nope.” Benji snuggled against his pillow. “I’m gonna sleep for the next two days.”

“We have school tomorrow,” said Joel.

“I can sleep in class.” Benji laughed, frowning when Joel’s expression didn’t change. “Something wrong?”

Joel sighed. “Jeannie broke up with me.”

“Bitch,” said Benji. “Let’s have Sarah beat her ass.”

“No,” said Joel, continuing to stare at the ceiling. “It’s my fault. I won’t take her to Prom.”

“What does she care about Prom?” asked Benji, confused. “She’s in college. She had her own damn Prom.”

“Benj, I appreciate you trying to make me feel better, but please don’t badmouth her.” Joel sighed again. “I pretty much made her break up with me. That’s not why I’m upset.”

“Then why are you upset?” Benji asked, sitting up painfully. “Tell me, Joel.”

“I can’t.” Joel wouldn’t meet his eyes. “Yet I just did.”

~*~*~*~

“This isn’t fair,” hissed Benji angrily. “You can’t fuck with my head like this.”

“Benji, don’t swear,” Joel whispered back just as heatedly. “And I have every right to change my mind. If you don’t want to do this, now is really the time to say something.”

Benji looked up as Joel hovered over him. “You know I can’t say no to you,” he said, closing the distance between them.

~*~*~*~

“You know,” said Benji. “I think you’re the bad influence after all.”

“Nobody ever suspects me.” Joel smirked from the driver’s seat of the secondhand van he shared with his brother.

They pulled into the Waldorf Post Office and Joel held the letters over the mail slot. “Once I drop these, there’s no turning back.”

Benji looked hard into his twin’s eyes. “Do it.”

Joel opened his fingers and let the letters fall into the mailbox. “Canada, here we come. Oh, and Benji?”

“Yeah?”

“Happy birthday.”

~*~*~*~

Benji looked in the mirror of their new apartment as Joel wrapped his arms around his waist from behind. “You look weird with blonde hair.”

“You look weird with lip rings,” Joel replied. “It’s all in the disguise.” He held up the ends of Benji’s hair and studied them. “Let’s keep the bangs. I like them.”

Benji’s mind flashed back to Matt, and he fought to smile. “Okay.” He paused. “What do we do now?”

Joel caught his eye in the mirror. “We find a church and beg for forgiveness.”

~*~*~*~

“Hey, new kids!” A large redheaded man with a twirly moustache and a Canadian accent greeted them in the back of the venue. “Wow, you two could be twins!”

“We get that a lot,” said Joel nonchalantly.

Benji sucked his lip rings into his mouth as he lightly strummed his guitar.

“You ready to go out there?” the man asked.

Joel inhaled the last of his cigarette and put it out purposefully with his shoe. “Yeah, let’s do this.”

~*~*~*~

Joel struggled with his tie after dropping his briefcase on the floor and kicking the door shut. “I have had a shit-filled day,” he announced.

Benji hopped up from the couch and batted Joel’s hands away. “Can’t be any worse than mine. We had a big shipment come in and it was only me and this other guy to take care of it.” He whipped Joel’s tie off and handed it to him.

“Thanks, Benj.” He walked across the room and looked at the calendar pinned to the wall. “We playing tonight?”

“No, they cancelled our gig.” Benji frowned and flopped back on the couch. “We really needed the money too.”

“We’ll be all right,” said Joel. “We’ll just have them turn off the cable again.”

~*~*~*~

“Benji?”

“Yes?”

“Are you happy?”

Benji sighed. “No.”

“Me neither,” Joel admitted, resting his chin on Benji’s shoulder. “This wasn’t how it was supposed to be. I’m sorry.”

“It’s as much my fault as yours,” said Benji. “But hey, it can only get better, right?”

Joel smiled. “Right.”

~*~*~*~

Benji came home from work late and started to close the door behind him.

“Leave it open,” said Joel dully from the floor. “I have the air turned off.”

“Is it broken again?” Benji asked irritably.

“No, we can’t afford it.” Joel stared at the blank television screen. “Do you know what day it is?”

“Thursday?” guessed Benji, taking a seat on the floor behind Joel.

Joel leaned back into his twin’s embrace. “We would have graduated today.”

“Oh.” Benji tightened his arms around Joel as he burst into hysterical sobs.

~*~*~*~

Benji loaded the burritos and pot pies into the freezer while Joel checked the messages. “What the fuck?” He picked up the receiver. “Oh, wonderful. They cut off our fucking phone.”

“That’s what happens when you don’t pay the bill, Joel,” said Benji.

“It would be really nice,” said Joel slowly, turning towards Benji, “if you could go _one day_ without patronizing me.”

“Do you even know what that means?” Benji asked.

Joel slammed the phone onto the hook and stomped into the other room.

~*~*~*~

Benji and Joel lay in bed, sweaty and sticky from the hot temperature of the apartment. The sounds of their neighbors’ kids playing happily floated in through the open window, and Benji groaned in irritation, rolling on his side to bury his face into Joel’s chest.

“I’m really not in the mood,” said Joel.

“Me neither,” agreed Benji.

Joel sighed. “We’re going to get evicted.”

“What did you do with the rent money?” asked Benji.

“What rent money?” snapped Joel. “You didn’t leave me any.”

“The hell I didn’t.” Benji sat up, wiping his forehead with his already damp shirt. “I left it on the fucking table when I came home last night.”

“It wasn’t there,” Joel said earnestly. “You think we were robbed?”

“Probably,” said Benji. “Whatever. I don’t care anymore.”

“Me neither.” Joel sighed again. “Let’s go home.”

Benji craned his neck to look at him skeptically. “What?”

“You heard me,” said Joel dejectedly. “We’re going home.”

> _Epilogue, Part Two (The Finale) – To The Love, I Left My Conscience Pressed_

Matt raised his head from the bar as Kristin tapped him on the hand. “I think you’ve had enough, hun.”

His eyes wandered down his tattooed arm to where he was in fact holding his glass out like he wanted another drink. “I know,” he slurred. “I’m done.”

“You want me to call one of your friends?” Kristin asked gently.

Matt nodded slowly, cringing when his brain protested to the movement. “Yes, please. Call Johnny.”

“I’ll give you this,” said Kristin as she reached for the bar phone. “You’re a much better drunk than your father.”

Matt grunted.

~*~*~*~

“I’m going to kill him,” said Johnny fiercely. “Who the fuck does he think he is?”

“Simmer down, trigger,” Matt said quietly. “I should have known better.”

Johnny ignored him. “I will find him, and then I will kill him.”

“Canada’s a big country,” spoke up Zacky, waving Benji’s letter that was almost falling apart from overuse. “You’ll be looking for awhile.”

“It’ll be worth it.”

~*~*~*~

Matt smiled gratefully as Kristin stepped into his car wearing a sleek blue dress. “Thanks for doing this, Kristin.”

“No problem,” Kristin replied, waving her hand dismissively. “I didn’t get to go to my own Prom. Thanks for asking me.”

Matt pulled out of Kristin’s condo complex and headed towards the Marriott. “They say it’s supposed to be the best night of your life. My therapist insisted that I don’t miss out on it.”

Kristin smiled. “I’m sure I can think of a way to make it worth your while.”

~*~*~*~

“Mom?”

Matt jumped out of bed, threw his shorts on, and raced downstairs when he heard the crash. He found Jill lying at the base of the entryway, face down, her clothes torn.

“Mom!” he shrieked, falling to his knees. “Jesus, what happened?”

Jill lifted her head and looked up at him with puffy black eyes. “They didn’t take my resignation very well.”

“Who didn’t?” Matt demanded. “The other girls did this to you?”

“No.” Jill shook her head and spat a mouthful of blood on the tile. “Couple of the regulars. Found the headquarters while I was packing my desk. Please don’t do anything stupid, Matthew.”

Matt stood up and grabbed his keys. “You know me better than that, Mom.”

~*~*~*~

The sound of bars being wrenched open woke Matt from his impromptu nap. He glanced towards the warden and smiled politely. “Which one of my snobby rich-kid friends posted my bail?”

“The charges have been dropped, Mr. Sanders,” the warden said briskly, gesturing towards the opening in the bar. “You’re free to leave.”

Matt swung his legs over the edge of the cot and raised himself upright. “Well, it was nice seeing you again. Love what you’ve done with the place.”

Jill was waiting for him in the lobby, wearing the biggest pair of sunglasses on the market. He hugged her as tightly as he dared. “I missed graduation, didn’t I?”

Jill nodded into his shoulder. “It’s okay.”

~*~*~*~

“We’re gonna do it,” said Zacky excitedly, squeezing Brian around the waist.

Matt regarded them with a raised eyebrow as he bent over his poolstick. “Must you announce every time you have sex?”

“No,” said Brian. “We’re getting married.”

Matt took his shot, sinking the eight ball in the side pocket much to Johnny’s annoyance, and came away from the table with a grin. “Congratulations. When are we going to England?”

“End of the summer,” said Zacky. “Before I go back to school.”

Matt averted his eyes and played with his lip ring. “You know my mom’s not working right now.”

“My family is paying for it,” said Brian. “And we want you there, so shut up and let us treat you for once.”

Matt smiled. “All right.”

~*~*~*~

“This is my first job,” Matt told the hassled-looking woman as he stood uncomfortably in her office. “What am I supposed to do?”

She glared at him over her glasses and sat back in her chair. “You dance. You strip. You let the horny boys put bills in your panties. It’s not brain surgery.”

Matt nodded and swallowed hard. “Okay.”

~*~*~*~

Jill leaned into her son’s embrace as they watched the movers carry their furniture out of the house.

“What about these, ma’am?” one of the movers asked, pointing to a stack of paintings.

“Charity,” Jill called back. “We’re only keeping the two bedrooms and the living room sets.”

The mover nodded and went back to work.

Matt sighed. “At least you’ll get a nice tax deduction next year.”

“You know,” said Jill, “I didn’t like half that shit anyway.”

~*~*~*~

“I feel like we’re in high school again,” said Brian, sprawling out on the shag carpet and almost banging his head on the popcorn bowl.

“If the words ‘circle jerk’ come out of your mouth, I’m going to kick your ass,” said Matt from the couch.

Brian flicked a kernel at him.

“Straight man sitting,” announced Johnny, sipping his beer.

“Ditto,” added Jimmy.

“Hey, bitch!” Brian called into the kitchen. “Got my dinner ready yet?”

“I’ll remember that when you want some later,” Zacky hollered back.

“I love you,” replied Brian.

“So you don’t think it’s too small?” Matt asked, looking around his new living room.

“It’s fuckin’ huge, M,” Brian answered in monotone.

“Biggest I’ve ever seen!” yelled Zacky.

“The condo, assholes.” Matt blushed furiously.

“You know Kristin lives in the next building?” asked Johnny. “We should invite her over. Bar’s closed on Sundays.”

Matt scratched his ear. “Yeah, I don’t know about that.”

“He fucked her at Prom and never called her again,” said Jimmy.

Brian, Zacky, and Johnny gasped audibly. “You hit it with _Kristin_?” said Johnny in amazement, while Zacky said, “You slept with a _girl_?”

“Blah, blah, eat me,” replied Matt. “Let’s watch the fucking movie.”

“Is there tits and ass in this?” Johnny asked, reading the back of the DVD case with a frown.

“Tons,” said Brian. “I love me some man boobs.”

Johnny threw the case at him.

“Yo, Sanders,” Zacky called out. “We eating in our hands or do you have some dishes in this joint?”

“I think they’re still packed,” said Matt, rising up from the couch. He joined Zacky in the kitchen, smirked at the way he was wearing his mom’s apron, and began to dig through the boxes under the makeshift dining table. “Aha! ‘Dishes-n-Shit’.”

“Don’t tell me you’ve been eating in your hands for the past week,” said Zacky seriously as he tossed a spaghetti noodle at the wall and examined it closely.

“Take out,” Matt replied, crouching to open the box. On top of the dishes, however, there were piles upon piles of pictures of him, the other guys, and… Benji. Matt and Benji cuddling under the Christmas tree. Matt and Benji posing rather incriminatingly in the pool. Matt and Benji kissing on New Year’s.

“Oh shit,” said Zacky, abandoning the lone noodle to kneel behind Matt. “Intervention!”

~*~*~*~

Matt caught Jill taking out the garbage as he pulled into the parking lot after work. “I’ll get it, Mom.”

Jill gratefully handed over the bags and kissed her son on the cheek. “Thanks, dear.”

Matt heaved the garbage into the dumpster and turned around to find himself face-to-face with Kristin. “Mind getting these, too?” she asked, smiling forcibly. “I’m not supposed to lift anything.”

“Yeah, sure.” Matt grabbed her bags and tossed them in as well. “Um, how are you?”

“Pregnant,” she answered, folding her arms and looking at him expectantly.

“Crap,” said Matt.

~*~*~*~

“Thanks for the ride,” Jimmy said as he got into the Cadillac in front of St. Francis of Assisi High School for Boys. “My car is acting up, and I had to register by today.”

“No problem,” said Matt. “How’d it go?”

“Fine.” Jimmy shrugged. “How’d it go at OCC? Do the classes look hard?”

“Eh.” Matt made a contemplative face. “Community college is a lot like high school. Only the girls are sluttier.”

Jimmy nodded. “That’s cool. Hey, are you gonna drive off the road if I ask you something about Benji?”

Matt tightened his grip on the steering wheel. “I suppose not.”

“How would you feel about seeing him again?”

“I would love nothing more than to see him again,” Matt replied quietly.

Jimmy loosened his tie. “Good. ‘Cause my mom just called me and said he’s parked in front of our house.”

~*~*~*~

Benji had gotten his lip pierced. Twice. One of which clinked almost painfully against Matt’s when Matt walked right up to him, threw him down on the hood of his car, and kissed him passionately.

“I guess he forgives you,” said Joel from the driver’s seat.

~*~*~*~

The chapel at St. Francis seemed smaller than Matt remembered, but it served the purpose. “Kneel,” he ordered.

Benji made the sign of the cross and knelt on the railing. Matt did the same. “No more lies,” he said firmly.

“I didn’t lie to you,” Benji protested. “I told you the truth. Every minute since the last time we were here – well, in a church anyways.”

“Tell me everything,” said Matt. “Leave nothing out.”

Benji spoke for three hours. His voice was rough by the time he got to the part where he and Joel had gone back to Waldorf, been shunned by their mother, and spent a few weeks living with Paul’s new friend Billy. “Everyone knew,” he said. “It was horrible. Nobody would give us jobs, and eventually Billy had to ask us to leave.”

“So you drove out here, thinking I would help you,” said Matt.

Benji shook his head. “Our brother Josh lives in L.A. We’re staying with him. He gives us sh- trouble, but at least we have a place to sleep.”

“Do you have a job?” Matt asked.

“We just got here last night,” said Benji. “My first thought was to find you and… apologize.”

“Do you love me?” Matt stared purposefully at the floor.

“Yes,” said Benji gravely. “I really do.”

“But you love him too.”

“He’s my brother,” said Benji. “And that’s all he is now. I swear to God.”

“Do you?” said Matt. “Swear to God?”

Benji nodded and looked up at the alter. “Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou among women, and blessed is the fruit…”

Matt almost laughed out loud, but instead shook his head and joined in with the somehow appropriate prayer as he reached for Benji’s hand.

~*~*~*~

“Why did we bring the tourist twins to England again?” teased Zacky.

“To watch your dumbasses get married,” replied Matt, grinning as Benji and Joel snapped picture after picture at almost every corner of the busy London streets.

“Hey kids,” Zacky called out to the twins. “Mind taking some pictures of the reason we’re here?”

“You look so fucking hot in a tux,” purred Brian, grabbing Zacky by the waist and kissing him fiercely in the middle of the sidewalk.

“Oh yeah, work it,” said Joel, turning the camera drastically from side to side like he was doing a photo shoot. “Show me sexy, come on now.”

Valerie stepped out from the courthouse, folding her arms over her skimpy sequined dress. “I can certainly see the appeal.”

Matt regarded her skeptically. “Not him. The other one.”

Val’s eyes raked over Johnny, Jimmy, Brian’s parents, and her assorted family members who didn’t think her brother was going to Hell, smiling when she caught sight of Benji photographing a streetlamp. “He’s cute,” she teased. “Is he good in bed?”

“He gives better head than you,” Matt said with a smirk.

Val’s smile fell. “I always knew, you know. There was something… off about you.”

“Well, now you know.” Matt sighed and clapped his hands together, feigning excitement. “Is this pleasant-not-really chat over yet? I have shit to do.” He walked away before she could answer and jogged over to Benji and his streetlamp. “Hey.”

Benji stood up and let the camera fall around his neck, looking embarrassed. “Hey.”

Matt smiled. “Did you enjoy your first big gay wedding?”

“It was enlightening, to say the least.” Benji looked over at where Zacky and Brian were still attached at the mouth and various other body parts while Joel continued snapping upside-down pictures. “Will they be considered married in the U.S.?”

Matt shook his head. “Unfortunately, no. But they don’t really care. That’s not what matters, after all.”

“Yeah,” said Benji slowly. “What matters is that they’re happy.”

Matt put his arm around Benji. “I think we’ve finally got it, kid.”

~*~*~*~

Matt sat at the very shiny table with Jimmy’s father, a very pregnant Kristin, and her lawyer.

“Are we all in agreement here?” Mr. Sullivan clapped his hands in delight when everyone nodded. “Wonderful. I have the contracts here for everyone to sign… first you, Ms. Reynolds, then you, Mr. Sanders.”

Matt bit his lip ring as he waited for Kristin to sign full custody of their unborn son over to him. He didn’t think she would go for it at first, but she was more than cooperative even before he offered to let her see the baby whenever she wanted.

“Thanks a lot, Kristin,” he said as they walked out of the courthouse.

Kristin smiled, genuinely this time. “It’s really in the best interest of the kid. I’m not so much the motherly type.” She paused. “In case you can’t make it to the hospital, what should I name him?”

Matt didn’t hesitate. “Julian.”

~*~*~*~

“You know,” said Benji, “you’ll probably have to quit stripping once Kristin has the baby.”

“I quit before school started.” Matt looked up from his psychology book and adjusted his new reading glasses. “Have you not noticed I haven’t been going to work?”

“I thought you still did it on the weekends,” said Benji. “My bad.”

Matt smirked. “No, I do _you_ on the weekends. All that sex has gone to your head.”

Benji leaned over to look at the chapter on mental illnesses. “Is that what it says in your book?”

“Yes,” said Matt, trying to hide a smile. “And it’s hereditary, so you should tell your brother to be careful too. He hangs out with Johnny way more than what is considered healthy.”

“Johnny has girls. Joel’s a whore.” Benji shrugged. “It’s that simple.”

Matt chuckled. “How did it go with Brian and court?”

“Oh man.” Benji laughed out loud. “Apparently, you have to do a little song and dance if you want to change your name without getting _legally_ married. It was more than a speech – it was a _production_. One which ended: ‘With God as my witness, I will never love again!’ Lucky for him, the judge was in the holiday spirit.”

Matt snorted into his book. “I would give _anything_ to see that. Stupid class.”

“Joel recorded it,” said Benji. “We’re adding it to their wedding video.”

Matt leaned his head back and brushed his nose against Benji’s. “You know, I think I’m finally starting to like him.”

“We’re not making a twin sandwich,” said Benji firmly.

“Please?”

“No.”

“C’mon, baby, it’s almost Christmas.”

“ _No_.”

“I’ll do that thing you like with my tongue.”

“… Maybe.”

~*~*~*~

Matt fell unceremoniously out of the delivery room and stood flat against the wall, his eyes as wide as they would go. “I knew there was a reason I’m gay,” he gasped.

Johnny tossed down a four-year-old copy of _People_ and rolled his eyes. “Pay up, Sanders.”

Matt reached for his wallet with a shaky hand and held a twenty out to Johnny. “Okay, you win, but will you please take my place?”

“Too bad I couldn’t take your place at the conception.” Johnny straightened out the bill and pocketed it as he waltzed through the door to where Kristin was wailing and calling Matt a spineless faggot.

“You’re shitting me,” said Zacky, his mouth agape. “Playboy Johnny is actually going to hold a woman’s hand while she gives birth?”

“He’s always had a soft spot for her,” said Brian. “Who knows, maybe it’s time for him to retire his _playa_ ‘s card.”

“How’s that for irony?” said Matt, laughing. “He fucks my mom and I knock up his girlfriend. Huh. I guess we really are even.”

“What we are,” said Benji, “is a fucking sitcom.”

“Only shown on cable,” Joel added, his nose buried in Johnny’s discarded magazine. “Damn, Lizzie McGuire is mad hot.”


End file.
